SHRINKING JILL

This Blog Has Moved

2010-05-02T16:25:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone - I have successfully migrated my blog to its new home at Wordpress - please bookmark the new site:

www.shrinkingjill.com

The blogspot address will still be active for awhile, but I won't be posting anything new here - it's all going to the new site. Check it out!

The Beck Diet Newsletter

2010-04-28T06:57:00.002-04:00

Still on the road! My team and I are staying at this amazing hotel on the lower coast of New Hampshire - normally my employer wouldn't pay for resort-style accomodations but because this isn't tourist season in New England the rates are dirt cheap - so we are travelling in style this week! Had a great walk yesterday morning before work, enjoying the cool ocean air and looking at all the gorgeous flowers popping up. Last night's dinner was, unfortunately, too much food. Sigh. I felt icky this morning when I got up.

When I checked my email last night I found the latest Beck Diet Newsletter. It's almost like they knew I was on the road and needed some inspiration! I can't say enough good things about this book - when every other diet book on the planet is telling you that you can eat what you want and still lose weight (yeah, right), the Beck Diet tells it straight and provides real tools to help change long-standing habits and behaviors. I hope you get as much out of the latest newsletter as I did! Check it out HERE.

FRUSTRATED!

2010-04-26T17:46:00.002-04:00

This weekend I decided to switch to a Wordpress blog, and use a hosting service to allow me more freedom to customize. Unfortunately I am way undereducated on webhosting and transferring domain names! Although I've been researching how to make this happen without too much stress I've been unsuccessful. Many apologies if you've tried to reach my blog and gotten a 404 page (or if this happens over the next few days)! Hopefully by next weekend I'll be up and running properly on Wordpress...

In other news I am traveling this week on business - have resolved to eat well and exercise - so far so good! No Wednesday weigh-in this week, though. But I promise to weigh in next Wednesday and post some progress pics!

Goal Shirt

2010-04-26T05:36:00.000-04:00

For the past few months I've been trolling through my bins of too-small clothes, trying to find a goal outfit - something that I really look forward to wearing after I've lost more weight. I have lots of cute clothes all the way down to size 10 and briefly considered a pair of Jordache jeans from high school, but then I found a t-shirt that I bought in 1995 when I weighed 162 pounds (for about 5 minutes). The front looks like this:

Cute, right? Well, the best part of the shirt is the back - a play on the Nike slogan 'Run Like Hell':

Once I found this shirt, my search for a goal outfit was over.

Out & Back Party Run!

2010-04-25T08:09:00.004-04:00

The Out and Back Party Run for ALS was a BLAST! Our friends, Elizabeth and Doug, rocked the 4-mile run, with Doug setting a PR for himself! Woohoo! Ken was kind enough to accompany me on the 2-mile walk, which I treated as an interval run. My hip was feeling good and I managed nine minutes of jogging (spread out over five intervals). It felt great to be running in a group, at sunset, with Boathouse Row as a backdrop. After the run we headed over to the fabulous Lemon Hill Mansion for the par-tay. There was great beer, lots of food and a rockin band, along with about 1500 people. Definitely a fun time and I plan to sign up for next year's run. However, next year I will do the 4-mile run and I'd like to finish in under 40 minutes.

Sadly, when I woke up on Saturday morning my hip was on FIRE. It feels better today, but I definitely overdid it on Friday night and have decided to give in and call a doctor, in hopes that she can tell me what the problem is and give me some suggestions. Stretching and rest just doesn't seem to be working and it's very hard to ice that area since it's, um, well-padded.

Today I was planning to ride my bike to the pool, but it is raining cats and dogs so I'll just drive to the pool instead. I'm aiming for a 1500-yard swim today!

Back in the Game?

2010-04-22T06:29:00.000-04:00

After a 2-week hiatus, I hopped on the treadmill this morning to try out my new running shoes and see how my hip, knee and ankle would hold up. Although there was a bit of moaning from my various joints everything held up pretty well! I made it through a few tentative intervals and decided that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new Brooks Adrenaline GTS10 running shoes! I purchased them at Fleet Feet a couple weeks back. Fleet Feet is an amazing store - especially the staff. After asking me some questions about my running style and any issues I was having (of course I had a long list) they spent a good half-hour helping me find the perfect shoes. They measured each foot (both sitting and standing), watched me walk barefoot, and brought several different options to try. They even let me run outside in each pair to see how they felt! Then they hooked me up with some inserts to help support my high instep and absorb impact when I run. The shoes felt great this morning - very springy and supportive. Yay!

Tomorrow Ken and I are participating in an out-and-back party run for ALS in downtown Philly with some friends. I actually signed us up for the walking portion (only 2 miles) because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to run at all. My plan is to run some intervals and see how things feel on pavement before I make my final assessment of how well my injuries have healed. But I have high hopes.

After the run there's a party in the park with good food and beer - can't wait for that!

Wednesday Weigh In!

2010-04-21T06:24:00.000-04:00

Wow. The scale read 236.2 this morning - a 1.2 pound drop from last week. I don't know how it happened, but I will gratefully accept it!

This week's loss brings me past the 25-pound mark, woohoo!

There's guilt, and then there's GUILT

2010-04-20T18:04:00.000-04:00

For those of you that say unspeakable things to yourself after you've strayed from your eating/exercise/whatever plan - read this, and cut yourself some slack: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=692

Back in Control

2010-04-19T19:54:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh - after yet another day of eating with reckless abandon (dinner out last night easily exceeded 2000 calories, possibly more, including 4 glasses of wine) - I am back in control today and feeling more like myself.

Breakfast this morning consisted of whole grain bread with almond butter, and a cup of coffee with non-fat milk. This is the breakfast that has carried me through the past few months and seems to be the fuel that gets my day started off right. No more sugary breakfasts for me! Half of a mango made up my morning snack, followed by a lunch of tuna salad on whole grain bread, a cup of brussels sprouts and cauliflower, a cup of raspberries and a small piece of a Lindor chocolate bar for dessert. Dinner was a yummy sandwich of french bread, fresh mozzarella, sliced tomatoes, lettuce, pesto and one slice of bacon. A scant quarter cup of vanilla ice cream with a tablespoon of chocolate sauce for dessert along with a handful of walnuts for crunch. A nice well-balanced day including some treats and lots of good food. Can't even begin to tell you how much less toxic I feel today!

Lost a battle - but not the war

2010-04-18T08:40:00.001-04:00

Last weekend I was feeling pretty smug. So smug, in fact, that I had a blog post half-written in my head describing how I'd finally conquered my food demons and adopted a healthy lifestyle. How I had made this lifestyle a habit, and that I couldn't picture going back to binging and watching TV every night. How I was no longer addicted to sugar.

Yeah, right.

On Wednesday I received a package at work - a stack of documents from a coworker in the UK - and she put at least five pounds of chocolate in the package as a thank-you. Five pounds of British chocolate - several varieties of Cadbury, to be exact. The package came at the end of the day Wednesday and I ate about 200 calories worth. Yum! Then I rode my bike to Rena's and did my usual training & yoga session and rode home. No problem, right?

Unfortunately the chocolate was still there on Thursday. And I didn't bother packing food before work because we were having a group pizza lunch. So off I went to work, empty stomach, nothing healthy on the horizon. I stopped at Starbucks for my coffee and thought "oh, I need breakfast - I'll just treat myself to a package of Madeleines." That was my first mistake - it's been months since I started my morning with a sugary breakfast and I think that has been key to my success so far! When I got to work and saw the pile of chocolate, everything just fell apart. The pull of the sugar was reignited within me and I couldn't stop nibbling. Three pieces of pizza, two garlic knots and two brownies at lunch...pizza for dinner...now it is Sunday morning and I've been in a free-fall of pizza, sugar, salt & fat for three days. And I haven't exercised once during that time.

I'm not really worried about getting myself back on track - I feel so crappy, tired, sluggish, sick and foggy right now that I'm actually craving fruits and vegetables. But I learned an important lesson this week - the time when you think you've conquered a problem is the precise time you need to be most vigilant! I stopped paying attention to my fledgling healthy habits and they weren't strong enough to survive on their own. I have been humbled yet again on this journey.

PS - On Friday I turned the chocolate over to a coworker with a much stronger constitution. And an office with a door that locks.

Good News/Bad News

2010-04-15T06:45:00.000-04:00

The good news is...my hip feels a lot better after a week of not running. And last night I rode my bike to and from Rena's studio, where I did a 45 minute workout with weights followed by an hour of yoga - 2.5 hours of exercise in one shot!

After I came home I puttered around the house, took a shower and went to bed. During this time I noticed a twinge on the outside of my left knee. Hmmm. Fast forward to the middle of the night, when I got up to pee....bigger twinge. Borderline pain. This morning? Not good. I'm writing this now with an ice pack wrapped around it after taking 3 ibuprofen.

Here we go again!

Wednesday Weigh In!

2010-04-14T05:32:00.000-04:00

Very happy with the scale this morning - 237.4! That's a pound down from last week and after two meals out last week I couldn't be happier!

No time to write more now, have to leave for work in five minutes. Have a great Wednesday!

Awesome Training Ride!

2010-04-11T13:28:00.002-04:00

Such a great training ride today - 11 miles in 55 minutes, a vast improvement over last week's ride. I was pretty pleased, as this is only my second ride outside this year and really my first outdoor training ride because last week was more experimental than anything else. I attribute the improvement to having fully inflated tires and using my cycling shoes with clipless pedals instead of my usual sneakers. The shoes really make a difference, especially when going uphill - I get more power out of each stroke. Riding outdoors is also less abusive to my butt - my bike seat is nice and soft, and my bike has good shocks so I don't feel the bumps. Far preferable to the pain after spin class!

After today's ride I'm starting to think of goal times for the SheRox Tri in August - previously I was just hoping to finish but now I'm hoping for more - I want to not finish last!

I looked up race times for my age group from previous years, and it looks like finish times range from 1.5-3 hours. I'd be OVERJOYED with a finish time of 2.5 hours. I think this is possible - if I do the swim in 25 minutes, the bike in 75 and the run in 40, plus 5 minutes each for T1 and T2 (since this is my first tri I'm assuming I'll be a total spaz in transition) that's a total of 2.5 hours. Right now I can swim 900 yards in the pool in 25, and today's ride time was a 12 mph pace, which puts me at 75 min. At this point I could probably manage 45 minutes for the 5K so I definitely need some work there. And of course I need to account for being tired after each leg of the race! But that's what training is for, right?

After a calorie-heavy lunch of whole wheat rotini, pesto, pine nuts and freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano cheese, I'm off to do some yard work to burn off some energy. Today Ken and I are assembling our compost bins, cutting the lawn, cleaning up the yard and planning out the garden. Hoping to grill some buffalo burgers later today, YUM!

Post-Workout Update

2010-04-10T09:18:00.002-04:00

I guess there's a silver lining to my hip issues, because it means I'm spending more time in the pool. This morning I swam really well - covered 1100 yards in....wait for it...less time than it took me to swim 1000 yards on Tuesday! Woohoo!

And here's another exciting bit of news - this week I noticed that my bathing suit is getting too big. TOO BIG! TOO FREAKING BIG! Life is good :)

Injuries, Injuries, Injuries

2010-04-10T07:14:00.000-04:00

Since I started working out regularly last summer, I have managed to accumulate a lot of aches, pains and flat-out injuries along the way. It all started with training for the Breast Cancer 3-Day - after my walks reached the 10-mile mark my right calf would cramp up and cause a LOT of pain. Sometimes I could walk through it, sometimes I was just done. I tried ice, rest, elevation, ibuprofen...but since I needed to keep training I would only take a week off at a time and never fully recovered - I just ended up learning to live with it. Of course, as soon as the training was over I gave it a proper rest and it healed with no problems!

Then came the Achilles pain - I developed stiffness in my right Achilles and a tender knot just above my heel. This injury never became unbearably painful, but it was always worse after sitting or lying down for awhile and I worried about the lump. Rest, ice, elevation, ibuprofen, stretching...no real improvement. So off to the orthopedist I went, returning with a diagnosis of Achilles Tendinosis and instructions for some exercises to help strengthen my calf. The area is definitely on the mend now.

There have been lots of other aches and pains along the way, most of which flare up and then disappear, but for the past week my right hip has been bothering me a lot. It's fine when I'm sitting or lying down, but as soon as I stand up there is stiffness and soreness between the joint and my pelvic bone, right on the side of my body. It subsides a bit after I walk around, but I did a treadmill run on Thursday morning and by the end of my workout I was in pain and starting to limp.

I'm inclined to think that the root cause of these injuries is my extra weight, but I'm also seeing a pattern - everything is on my right side and it seems to be moving up my leg. Could it possibly be related to with the way I walk or run - maybe something I'm doing to compensate for having extra weight to move around, or perhaps I'm compensating for pain elsewhere and throwing my gait off? Today I'm going to pick up some new running shoes, in case that's the problem (my old ones are starting to wear out anyway). I've also decided to take a full week off from my Couch-to-5K program and focus on non-weight-bearing cardio to see if that helps.

I've been so dedicated to my workouts and have been careful not to add running mileage too quickly, so it's REALLY frustrating to have this happen! Of course I've got alternate cardio options and I'm working out with weights and doing yoga, but running is a really efficient way to burn calories so I'm anxious to put this latest setback behind me and move on. Since I can't change my weight overnight I guess I'll just have to keep working around my limitations. So it's off to the pool this morning to swim another 1000 yards.

Has anyone else out there encountered hip pain like this, or suffered from a string of injuries?

Wednesday Weigh In

2010-04-07T05:25:00.001-04:00

It's a happy morning here in Shrinking Jill's house, because I hit a new low this week!

238.4!!!!

Woohoo! That's a 2.2 loss from last week. I'm very pleased :)

This morning, however, I can't seem to find a pair of spring pants (it's going to be 90 today!). I have bins and bins of smaller clothes all over the house and I know they are somewhere in one of those bins...but alas I have to leave for work in 15 minutes and it doesn't look good. I'll write more later, but in the meantime I'm going to look for something to wear!

Update 4:38 pm - I found the pants I was looking for and even had time to iron them before I left for work - yippee!!! When I got to work I opened a new jar of almond butter (the natural kind with a layer of oil on top) and spilled it all over my freshly ironed pants - BOOOOOO!!!!!

Oh well. They were really too big for me anyway!

Fun in the Deep End

2010-04-06T18:43:00.001-04:00

After 3 days of heavy cardio plus a great strength training workout I decided to give myself (well mostly my right hip) a break and go for a swim tonight. There is a really nice pool about 3 miles from my house and they have about 10 lanes dedicated to lap swimming plus a sweeeeeet aquatic play area with slides and waterspouts. I stopped off on the way home from work and surprised myself by swimming 1000 yards in less than 30 minutes! Woohoo!

The pool is uber-nice - very clean, not over-chlorinated, nice cool temperature (I absolutely hate lap swimming in bath water) with wide lanes and lifeguards that appear to be actually watching people swim instead of reading books. Most of the pool is at least 10 feet deep but there's a little ledge that runs around the edge about 4 feet down so you don't have to tread water when you're taking a break. There are lots of windows so it *almost* feels like you're swimming outside. The locker room was huge, clean and had a scale that looked like something out of The Biggest Loser (someday I'll post a picture, this thing could weigh farm animals). Best of all, at 5pm there weren't too many people there so I had a whole lane all to myself! This is a true luxury - I usually swim at LA Fitness where they only have 4 skinny lanes and I always seem to get stuck sharing with someone who flails about like they're drowning. One time I got kicked in the head. But I digress.

Anyway, 1000 yards is the farthest I've swum (swam?) since I was on the swim team in 9th grade and had to do a 2 mile (3600 yard) swim for charity (I puked afterwards). I guess you could say I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now!

Bed of Nails?

2010-04-05T19:54:00.001-04:00

I came across a cool blog this evening: The Everything Yoga Blog. And the second post I read reviewed a yantra mat. Apparently this mat is not for asanas, but rather for lying on and relaxing. I've seen photos of these mats in Yoga Journal but this is the first time I've ever read a review. I'm intrigued! Has anyone else out there tried one of these mats? What was your experience?

And speaking of yoga, there's a 2-hour special on PBS this Wednesday (April 7th) about the life of Buddha, narrated by Richard Gere. Click here for more information and local listings. I can't wait to watch this - already set my DVR!

Off to a Good Start

2010-04-05T07:05:00.000-04:00

Today is off to a good start - I got up early and hit the treadmill, showered, and then packed a yummy breakfast and morning snack (2 slices of whole grain bread, almond butter and a mango). Lunch will be sushi and a salad at Whole Foods, YUM! After work I have a training session with Rena. In order to get in all the workouts for my triathlon training schedule as well as keep up with my strength training and yoga (and have a social life!) Mondays have now become a double workout day so I can take Friday off. I've been doing it for a couple weeks and it really gets the week off on the right foot. Tomorrow night I'll swim to give my legs a break - there's a really nice pool at the local community center that I've been itching to check out.

Don't have much else to say today, so I'll leave you with a link to a great website I found this weekend - the Stand Up and Eat blog from the Cooper Institute.

Outdoor Ride!

2010-04-04T13:53:00.000-04:00

This morning I decided to get my bike out and ride on the Schuylkill River Trail instead of doing spin class. Last weekend Ken got my bike tuned up and ready to go, so I took advantage of the good weather and drove to Conshohocken to start my ride.

When I got to the trail head I realized my tires were a little on the flat side. Since I didn't have a pump with me I just rode slowly and enjoyed the scenery. It felt great to be outside and getting some exercise for the second day in a row - the fresh air and sunshine were amazing! I ended up doing about 8 miles in 40 minutes, which is a little over half the distance of the SheRox Triathlon. The ride back was a bit tougher than the ride out - I didn't think to check the direction of the wind and it was a bit gusty on the return trip. But there were lots of other people on the trail, the sun was shining and the temperature was in the mid-60's. A completely and utterly perfect day! After a quick lunch of tortellini with pesto and a mango for dessert, I'm off to give my dirty car a full-on spring cleaning and then plant some summer bulbs. Happy Easter everyone!

Cubital Tunnel Syndrome

2010-04-03T08:24:00.001-04:00

For the past few years I have occasionally woken up in the middle of the night with a numb left hand. The first couple times this happened I panicked, thinking it was a sign of a heart attack. After awhile, however, it became apparent that it was most likely tied to my sleeping position and I kind of assumed it was due to being overweight - I'm a side sleeper and figured that lying on my left side must be cutting off the circulation. But about a year ago, I noticed that sometimes my left hand would go numb even though I was lying on my RIGHT side. I did some googling and found that other people have the same problem, and it is often due to sleeping with elbows bent - which is without a doubt my favorite sleeping position. Unfortunately, even though I make an effort to fall sleep with my arms straight, I occasionally wake up with my arms bent and my hands curled under my pillow.

The numbness is usually limited to my pinky and ring finger, but last night I slept so well on my new mattress that I must have stayed in the same position for a few hours - I woke up to an arm that was numb almost to the elbow! It took awhile to come back to life and I started to worry that I might be causing permanent nerve damage. So I googled again and came across a lot of useful information - it turns out that this condition has a name and lots of treatments options.

Cubital tunnel syndrome (also called ulnar tunnel syndrome) occurs when there is pressure on the ulnar nerve, which runs from the spinal cord through the elbow and into the hand. When the elbow is bent, the nerve can be stretched against the bones in that area of the arm and cause a variety of symptoms. The syndrome is common in people who sleep with their elbows bent, or who have a tendency to lean on their elbows a lot (also something I do). Over time, weakness, pain, numbness and ultimately nerve damage can occur. It seems to me that I have a bit less feeling/strength in my left pinky than my right (which might also be my imagination) but other than that I don't seem to have any permanent damage. The website I found lists a few treatments, surgery being one of them, but the easiest and cheapest seems to be 'splinting' the arm with a towel at night for a few weeks to retrain yourself to sleep with straight elbows. That's what I'll try first.

Every time something doesn't feel right in my body I'm inclined to assume the worst (and also blame it on myself for being overweight). My parents have had cancer, diabetes, heart disease and ALS, and I sometimes feel like it's just a matter of time before one of those conditions comes my way - that even though I'm working so hard on my health now, the damage is done and a devastating illness is inevitable. It was a relief to discover that CTS is a common syndrome that is relatively harmless and easy to treat.

I'm off now for my Saturday run - the weather is so amazing today that I'm going to hit up a local trail instead of the treadmill!

Wednesday Weigh In and Bed Update

2010-03-31T05:08:00.000-04:00

My first Wednesday Weigh In is here! Today's weight is.....drum roll please.........................

240.6!

Sigh. After bouncing around in the 239's for several days, the scale decided to hop up today. Oh well, I know it is probably related to the high sodium foods I've snacked on over the past few days. I'm hoping the scale will read 238 next Wednesday!

As for the bed, well, all I can say is...I'm IN LOVE with this thing! I'll be honest, the first night was a little rough. The mattress was pretty stiff, not at all like the floor model that we tried at the store. The salesman told us it might take a few days to break it in and suggested we walk around on it after it arrived, which I did, but apparently it wasn't enough because I tossed and turned all night and woke up with a worse backache than I had the day before! On day 2, I walked around on it some more before bed and slept better, and last night I did the same. This morning I woke up well rested and pain free after 7 hours of blissful, comfortable sleep. Ahhhhh.

Yay for memory foam!

Adding Structure

2010-03-28T16:13:00.002-04:00

For the past couple months I've been letting my body guide my hunger and haven't really counted calories too closely - I sort of mentally note what I've eaten and try to keep it below 2000 calories. Much to my surprise, this approach has been quite successful! Slowly but surely I've lost weight and for the most part I've felt pretty satisfied. But the weight loss has been slow and I'm anxious to get into the next size down.

A few weeks ago I decided to step up my workouts - with the triathlon approaching I don't have a moment to spare in my training. Today I decided it was time to start formalizing my weight loss strategy as well - it could take me a couple years to get to my goal weight at this rate, and I'd like to make this triathlon as easy on myself as possible. I'm not expecting to lose 50 pounds in 4 months, but it would be nice to take off at least 25-30.

Starting tomorrow I'm going to start tracking my calories using Daily Plate on Livestrong.com. I've used this website in the past and found that it's a fantastic tool for keeping track of calories, nutrients, weight and activity. And it's FREE! Rather than ball-parking about 2000 calories per day I'll count more closely and aim for about 1500-1800 depending on how much exercise I've gotten that day. Daily Plate gives you a daily target based on your current weight, goal weight, and time to goal. You record your weight and as you lose weight your daily target goes down - but you get to eat more when you record your exercise!

I'll also start formalizing my weigh-ins. Right now I weigh myself almost every day. I know they say you're not supposed to do that, but it honestly works for me - I look forward to getting on the scale each morning and don't get discouraged if there's not a lot of downward movement. However, I don't track my overall change in weight other than change against my starting point last October - and thus I don't have a good idea of how much I lose each week, and how my weight cycling relates to daily calorie intake and general nutrition. So I've decided to 'officially' weigh in on Wednesdays and I'll post the updates here.

Check back this Wednesday for my first official weigh-in and a report on my first few nights with the Tempurpedic bed.

New Bed!

2010-03-28T07:34:00.000-04:00

For years, I have suffered from upper-backaches and I usually don't sleep through the night without waking up a few times. I've always chalked it up to having a large chest and a genetic predisposition to being a light sleeper (my mom frequently got up in the middle of the night to read because she couldn't sleep) (she also had big boobs) (that was probably TMI). My tossing and turning isn't insomnia - I'll wake up, change position, and go right back to sleep. Often I'm woken up because my left hand has gone numb from sleeping on it the wrong way, so I wait a few minutes til the feeling has come back and then go right back to sleep.

A couple weeks ago I stayed at a Novotel in the UK. Although this is a budget hotel chain, every room had a Tempurpedic mattress, and I had the best night's sleep I've had in years! No tossing and turning and I woke up only once during the night. My hand never went numb and my whole body felt great when I got up in the morning. And all this in a hotel room - I never sleep well in hotels! When I got home to my own bed (which is nice and fluffy and really quite comfortable, mind you) the backache came back and I had a hard time sleeping through the night again.

Yesterday I decided enough was enough. We ordered a Tempurpedic mattress yesterday and it comes today! I can't wait to try it out - the salesman warned us that it might take a couple nights to get used to, but both of us found the floor model really comfortable so I think we'll be OK. I'll report back in a couple days with the results.

What I Learned on the Yoga Mat Tonight

2010-03-24T20:18:00.000-04:00

I, like many people, have a fear of failure. The fear can be about something big (I'm afraid to change careers because I might not be good at something else) or small (I'm afraid to try hip hop dancing because I'll look silly), but either way the basic feeling is the same: I don't think I can do it. It might hurt. It might be hard. I might fail. I might, I might, I might. There are so many things in my life that I haven't done because I was afraid of failing.

Tonight I asked Rena to lead me through a new yoga pose, side plank. I've seen pictures of people doing the pose, and have thought about it a number of times but have always been afraid it would be too hard for me. And believe it or not, I've never even tried it on my own, in the privacy of my home! That fear of failure kept me from trying. I'm not just afraid to fail in public, I'm afraid to fail even when nobody else will know! In my mind, I had built something as simple as a new yoga pose into something so difficult that I would need to wait until I was much fitter to even attempt it.

But tonight I thought I'd just ask, and maybe I could make a feeble attempt and see how much I could do. Rena talked me through it slowly -first regular plank...then side plank on one knee...and when the time came to move my bottom leg I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I was really tired, my legs were shaking, and I just didn't think I could do it. It was such a small movement - just slide my bottom leg straight and balance...I hesitated for a long moment and then a voice inside me said STOP WORRYING AND JUST DO IT! I moved my leg out, and held a perfect side plank pose for several seconds. And then repeated it on the other side.

This experience may seem trivial to some, but I honestly had an epiphany right there on the mat. How many times have I hesitated in life because I was afraid to take a small step forward? Because I thought it would hurt? Because I thought it would be difficult physically, mentally or emotionally? Because it was outside my comfort zone? Because I was afraid to fail? In that moment I saw everything that has held me back in life...and all the possibilities that lie ahead of me. I realized that failure doesn't define me, in fact it makes me stronger. By playing it safe, I'm missing out. Who cares if I try something new and it doesn't work? Does it make me less of a person? Nope. Just the opposite. And the rewards of success are so much sweeter when you take a chance. I felt so great about myself tonight for executing that pose - yes, it made me feel a bit silly for not having tried it before since I was obviously capable of handling it. But it gave me the confidence to stop worrying about what will happen and take more chances with myself.

The yoga mat is a magical place - you never know what you'll find there. In Rena's words, the mat is the place where you can lose yourself and find yourself and I'd have to agree! I know I found something in myself tonight that I'll treasure for a long time - the willingness to fail.

Starbucks Pastry, Free Pizza and Smaller Clothes

2010-03-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

Today started out well - another half pound down on the scale, bringing me to a total of 23 pounds in 21 weeks. A pair of pants that was a bit tight on me a few weeks ago zipped up with no problem today. And best of all, I successfully navigated the FREE PASTRIES at Starbucks this morning. Yes - that's correct - they were giving away free pastries. Pound cake, croissants, donuts - you name it, they tried to give me some this morning. I said no a couple times, came close to caving in, and then ultimately walked away.

And then I got to work. Stress stress stress from the moment my butt hit my chair at 6:15 am. By 10:30 I had eaten my morning snacks plus my lunch, and was under no illusions that it was anything other than stress eating. By noon I had scarfed down a piece of pizza from the cafeteria and two cookies. More stress. At 3:30 I wandered past some cold pizza and scooped up two slices. Fully aware that I was coping with food, I ate both slices in less than 5 minutes.

Stress eating is something I've avoided pretty well over the past few months. But today I reached a pretty high frustration level and I needed to diffuse my stress quickly - and food has NEVER let me down when it comes to that. So while it might not have been the most constructive way to deal with things, today I made a conscious choice to use it to calm myself down enough to function.

There was one major difference between today's stress eating and past experiences - normally if I deviated from my plan in such a huge way I'd give myself permission to eat my favorite foods for the rest of the day and start over tomorrow. I stopped off at the grocery store on the way home and hunted around for something tasty, but nothing looked good - not even the gourmet cupcakes! I honestly felt full and didn't really have a desire to continue eating now that I felt calm and relaxed, so I picked up some veggies and fruit for the rest of the week, treated myself to some tulips and left the store. I hopped on the treadmill for my scheduled Couch-to-5K workout (6 minutes running, 24 minutes walking) and that was that! I'm still not hungry for dinner because I had pizza so late in the afternoon, so I'm done eating for the day. The scale might be up a half pound or so tomorrow morning but that's OK - the important thing is that I've regained my composure and didn't use today as an excuse to go off the rails and eat everything in sight. I'm choosing to look at today as a success rather than a failure!

As a reward for my behavior this evening, I allowed myself to go 'shopping' in some bins of clothes that are too small. I found a leather jacket and a cute cotton spring jacket that haven't fit since 2006 - I can just get into them right now and in 5 more pounds they'll fit perfectly. A nice end to the day!

Yeah!

2010-03-22T06:30:00.000-04:00

Remember that half-pound I was hoping to lose while I was away last week? Well it finally showed up on the scale this morning and it brought a friend...I am officially down a pound from 8 days ago AND squarely in the 230's now. Life is good.

Welcome Back, Mojo

2010-03-21T20:26:00.000-04:00

My mojo is back! I managed to reset myself today, by eating nutrionally balanced meals (lots of fruit & veg, lean meats, healthy fats), setting up some healthy meals for the week, watching last week's BL and getting to the gym for an awesome treadmill session. For dinner I made myself a delicious treat (thanks Rena for the idea) - I cooked up some ground turkey with chipotle taco seasoning, then spooned it onto some romaine lettuce leaves with fresh salsa from Whole Foods and a couple slices of avocado. Yu-huh-hum! Unfortunately, this combo was so good that it was long gone before I remembered to take a picture. But trust me, it was delish!

Tonight's treadmill workout felt so great - I'm up to 6 minutes running/24 walking in the Couch-to-5K program and I did my minutes tonight in two 3-minute intervals at 5mph. I could have done more - and I REALLY wanted to - but I'm trying to stick to the program and trust the process. Rather than add more time/mileage, next week is a holding pattern - three more workouts of 6 run/24 walk. My goal is to be running at least 4, if not 6 minutes straight through by the end of this week. Then I'll drop back to the 2-minute intervals when the time goes up to 8 minutes and see how it goes. I've had some trouble with my right Achilles tendon over the past few months and if I injure it again I'll be seriously heartbroken - so easy does it with each jump up in run time on this program until I see if my ankle and calf are up to it.

I've got a couple fun weeknight activities planned over the next few days - tomorrow night is a 2-hour 'plan your summer garden' class at Temple. Can't wait for that! I have vague ideas of what I'd like my garden to look like, but honestly I haven't the faintest clue how to get started so I'm hoping this class will give me some good ideas. On Thursday evening I have an info session for the SheRox Triathlon, where we'll learn about the event and meet other participants. The session is being held at a local running store and I'm hoping there will be coupons for $$ off running shoes!

OK folks, time to get ready for bed and get my head in the game for a busy week ahead. Talk to you soon!

Mojo Gone Missing

2010-03-21T06:34:00.000-04:00

Well I'm back from the UK but have done nothing but sleep, eat and lay around the house since I arrived! I was hoping to be down a half-pound on Saturday morning but I was up 3 instead. I'm inclined to think it's water retention from traveling, as my shoes and rings are tight. I'll give it a couple days and get back on the scale. Today I'm up early and feeling somewhat energetic so I'll be back to my routine in no time.

Rude American Steals Treadmill

2010-03-17T03:43:00.000-04:00

Hello! Many apologies for my long absence - the end of last week was simply crazy and I am out of town this week on business yet again. This time I'm in London where the weather is sunny for a change. Best of all, I have been sticking to my planned exercise schedule! Yesterday I managed a short strength training session before work and this morning I hit the hotel treadmill (more about that in a minute). Tomorrow I'm planning to do strength in the morning & yoga in the evening, and Friday will be another treadmill run before I catch a plane back to Philly. I'm hoping to fit in a bonus walk somewhere but only if time allows.

I flew over Sunday night, slept on the plane and arrived Monday morning. Went right to work and by 6pm I was pretty tired so I had dinner at the hotel and went to bed right afterwards. Tuesday morning I woke up early to exercise. The hotel didn't have a gym and it was still dark outside, so I worked out in my room. After warming up by power walking the halls and doing a few flights of stairs, I did a 20-minute routine using body weight as resistance - push ups, lunges, wall sits, crunches, etc. Last night I transferred to a different hotel and planned to get up early this morning to hit the treadmill.

The hotel guide stated that the gym would be open at 6am, so I left my room at 5:55 intending to beat the rush. Alas, everyone else in the hotel had the same idea and by the time I got there all the treadmills were taken. Disappointed, I weighed my options. Run outside? No - still dark and the hotel is right outside Heathrow, I'm unsure of the neighborhood. Run up and down the halls? No - there are fire doors about every 50 feet on each floor - I'll spend more time opening doors than running. Skip my workout? Hell NO! I got up, got dressed and got down here - I'm ready to go. OK, last options - use a different machine, or stand around and wait until a treadmill is free. I chose to make the most of my time and hopped on an elliptical.

More and more people arrived and soon every machine was taken. I was watching the 4 treadmills in front of me like a hawk - ready to jump off my machine at the slightest sign of a cooldown. The elliptical is a good workout but I get really bored on it after about 10 minutes and I really had my heart set on the treadmill. Watching....watching....that lady is slowing down....YES! She's picking up her towel.....crap. Just taking a moment to check her heart rate. Wait....that guy on the end is definitely doing a cool down....he's taking out his headphones....

Before anyone else could make a move, I pounced. I was off that elliptical and behind that treadmill faster than you can say 'rude American'. Much to the dismay of everyone else I claimed the treadmill for myself and jumped right into my intervals. I could feel the frustration of a couple other people who had been waiting out the same guy - and as I looked in the mirror I could see a woman behind me staring open-mouthed in annoyance.

The polite, don't-make-waves, don't-draw-attention-to-yourself side of me felt a twinge of guilt before I made my move. I knew other people were waiting. But as I looked around the room, I knew that I needed that treadmill more than anyone else there. Rude or not, nothing was going to stand in the way of my training plan and I decided to absolve myself of guilt right then and there. I did what I needed to do! In fact, this morning's workout was all the sweeter because I fought for it.

As for my eating strategy, I only have one business dinner to worry about - tonight I'll be eating with my team in Windsor (yes, that Windsor - right next to the castle) which has lots of lovely restaurants. There will be pints of beer and probably some amazing curry. To pre-compensate I've been eating small meals and not snacking. My hope is that I'll see at least a half-pound loss on the scale when I get back - I'm within striking distance of the 230's!

I probably won't post too much for the rest of this week but I'll leave you with some exciting news I got last Friday. I went to the doctor for my annual physical and review of bloodwork. It's been just over a year since I was last there and my cholesterol has gone from 225 to 201, my triglycerides have gone from 166 to 88, my resting pulse has dropped from 84 to 64 and my blood pressure has dropped to 110/70-ish. My thyroid levels are stabilized (I went on synthetic thyroid hormone about 2 years ago) and my blood sugar was normal (diabetes runs in my family so I get that checked every year). My doctor was so pleased and of course also congratulated me on my weight loss. Woohoo! It's not often that my annual checkup yields anything other than a reminder to eat less and exercise more, yada yada yada.

She did notice that my vitamin D levels were extremely low - possibly due to working all day in an office with no windows - and instructed me to take D3 supplements or get at least 15 minutes a day of direct sunlight on my face and arms. Yet another reason to get that lunchtime walk in!

Oh, one last thing - the new Jillian Michaels show starts on June 1: http://www.thefutoncritic.com/news.aspx?id=20100316nbc01

That's all I have today - I'll be back to my regular schedule on Saturday - enjoy your week!

You Spin Me Right Round

2010-03-09T19:23:00.001-05:00

It's official, I am in love with my new cycling shoes. Took them for a spin (ahem) tonight at Twisters. They totally rock and now I will be shopping for coordinating geeky cycling gear.

And (pat, pat, pat) I got BOTH workouts in today - I hit the gym up before work with Terri as planned, for a grand total of 90 minutes of cardio today. I'm tired - time to hit the showers and cozy up to watch Biggest Loser.

Training Calendar

2010-03-08T20:13:00.001-05:00

Over the past couple weeks I've started to get a bit concerned that my triathlon training is not progressing fast enough. With the event coming up in less than 5 months I don't have any time to mess around. I think part of the reason I've been so haphazard about my training is that I haven't developed a schedule to follow - I have two strength training workouts plus a yoga class booked with Rena every week but that's about it. As a result, my cardio workouts have been sporadic at best.

However, last Tuesday I started doing the conservative version of the Couch-to-5K program (I started on month 2 as the first month was for people that needed to work up to walking 30 minutes). I completed the entire first week with no problem - having a schedule with things to check off was very motivating! After giving it some thought, I decided to apply that concept to my overall fitness program and the result was this:

This is my new workout calendar - two months at a time, color coded by workout. When March is over I'll move April up and outline May's training on the bottom. On the bulletin board side I have the overall couch-to-5K program, some stretches and a couple 'homework' assignments from Rena. I plan to put some motivational quotes there as well.

Here's a closeup of the calendar:

Right now I've got 3 runs, 2 swims, 3 strength, 1 yoga and 1 cycle scheduled in, plus one rest day. Eventually I'll add another cycling workout but I think this is enough for now!!! Actually, I'm not too sure I can keep up this schedule but I decided to shoot for the stars and adjust as needed - there will be no guilt if I'm just too tired from the day before.

This was so much fun to put together! I wrote in my workouts from last week too, to remind myself of how much exercise I got. The next challenge is to get both of tomorrow's workouts completed - I'm planning to meet Terri at 5:30am for a treadmill workout and then I'm going to Ken's spinning class after work. Phew, I'm tired just thinking about it...I better make sure I've got everything packed up tonight or I'll never make it to the gym on time...

How Many Calories in a Slice of Humble Pie?

2010-03-07T08:09:00.001-05:00

This week I accomplished a LOT in the gym! Since Monday, I've done:

3 strength workouts
1 yoga class
3 treadmill workouts (days 1-3 of the Couch-to-5K program)
1 spin class
1 900-yard-long swim (that's a half-mile!)

This is a vast improvement over past weeks where I've really slacked off on the cardio on weekends. This week seemed a bit easier - even with a lot of social and work commitments I managed to get all my planned workouts in by telling myself to stop whining about a lack of motivation and JUST DO IT already! Turns out I can go a bit Jillian on myself if I need to. This week included two work-related dinners out as well as a group lunch so I didn't lose any weight, but at least my workouts kept things from getting out of hand.

My calories might have been a bit lower this week if I hadn't helped myself to a huge slice of humble pie yesterday. Right before spin class my husband suggested I try his cycling shoes:

Some of you might remember my opinion of cycling shoes - I believe my exact words were "I'm not wearing those stupid shoes until Kate Spade comes out with a line of cycling gear." Normally I wouldn't have agreed to try them - I'm usually as stubborn as a mule when someone offers me unsolicited advice - but he asked me before I'd had any caffeine and I decided to give them a try.   They were a couple sizes too big but I thought I could still make them work for one class.

OMG, what a difference a pair of shoes can make! It was so much easier to ride - no more adjusting my foot position, no more numb toes, and I got much more power out of each stroke. Ugly or not, the shoes were a godsend and I decided within about 15 minutes that I needed my own pair. Immediately. I washed my humble pie down with a cup of coffee and admitted that I was wrong - now where can I get some of those shoes?

We had a busy afternoon planned but tacked on a visit to Performance Bike in North Wales at the end of the day. Ken was more than happy to tag along so he could shop for gadgets while I tried on shoes. After arriving at the store he gave me a quick orientation and some suggestions on things to look for and I started pulling boxes off the shelves. The store was having a huge clearance event and ugly or not, I love shopping for shoes on sale so I soon had a huge pile to try on.

After a few minutes I figured out my size (42 - sounds huge but basically it's the European equivalent of 9.5) and narrowed it down to a couple choices that fit my requirements: mountain bike shoes (easier to walk in), ski-boot-style buckle on the top strap (instead of velcro), and most importantly, less ugly than the other shoes. Unfortunately, my first choice was out of stock in my size, and I didn't want to buy my second choice without seeing if the first one was a better fit. We asked the front desk if they could call the other stores in the area - lo and behold, the Paoli store had one last pair in my size! They put the shoes on hold for me and we headed off to get them before the store closed for the night. Paoli is a 25-mile drive from North Wales so we hopped on the turnpike and turned on a Jillian Michaels podcast for entertainment. This sparked a discussion about shoulder position during plank pose and next thing I knew we were driving past our exit...at which time the GPS informed us that we had just added 30 miles onto our drive. Grrrr. Stupid ugly half-price shoes.

We eventually got there, and I tried on the shoes and decided to buy them. Honestly, they're not THAT bad:

At least they are a pretty color. I can't wait to try them out - Ken is teaching a spin class at Twisters on Tuesday night and I'm planning to go - I'll report back and let you know how it went!

Organic Lawn Care

2010-03-03T19:51:00.002-05:00

My monthly iecycle article has been posted - this month's topic is organic lawn care. Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/yfvx2nl.

Keep Calm and Carry On

2010-03-02T18:35:00.005-05:00

This afternoon I was trying to think of one sentence that sums up my weight loss efforts over the past few months, as well as my general attitude towards health and fitness. The first thing that popped into my head was a British poster from WWII: Keep Calm and Carry On. This is one of a series of posters produced in 1939 by the Ministry of Information - the ever-practical Brits planned to use them to remind citizens to keep their wits about them in the event of a Nazi invasion.

I just love the simplicity of this statement - to me it says "OK Jill, this (doughnut, injury, forgotten gym bag, fill-in-the-blank) might not have been in your plan, but you're an intelligent, capable woman - pull yourself together and figure out how to manage your way through it."

I may never have to deal with a Nazi invasion, but anyone that has struggled with their weight knows that sometimes dieting does feel like a battlefield. To me, Keep Calm and Carry On seems like the perfect response to any diet challenge. Box of Thin Mints by your office printer? Use a printer on a different floor. Overindulged at lunch? Have a tiny dinner. Injury to your Achilles tendon? Work out in the pool. I like this slogan so much I'm going to order a poster to put up next to my treadmill!

What statement best defines your fitness attitude?

I Could Use A Cheerleader

2010-02-28T20:58:00.005-05:00

Feeling a little annoyed and disgusted with myself today - I have not worked out since Thursday morning! On Friday I thought to myself "I'll take a rest day" and I went to the bookstore to write (and get away from the refrigerator). No problem - I had all weekend to get in some killer workouts. On Saturday I started a treadmill workout, but then the phone rang and I just never got back on. I had afternoon and evening plans with a friend and just I puttered around the house organizing things and reading my new HTML book until it was time to go - wasting two perfectly good hours doing things that could have been done any other time. I got home around 8 and used the "it's too close to bedtime" excuse (one of my all-time favorites). Today was my chance to redeem myself and at least get one workout in for the weekend, but instead I spent my time at Starbucks working through my HTML book & shopping for fitness equipment (kettle bells, dumbbell rack, hula hoop). Anyone else find it ironic that I procrastinated working out today by shopping for workout gear? Sigh.

I guess it was better than sitting in front of the TV all day - I can honestly say I didn't turn the TV on once (of course, the night is still young). But I still spent a lot of time sitting on my butt - and I'm sure if I added up all the 2-minute increments of playing Mob Wars on Facebook here and there I could have found time for a workout and still gotten all my organizing, shopping and reading done. The day didn't get away from me - I let it get away.

I'm not sure why I struggle so much on the weekends to get my workouts in. Sometimes I feel resentful of the time - like the weekend should be me time and I should get to do exactly what I want at every moment. Logically I know that working out is the best kind of me time there is, but the teenager inside me disagrees. I don't have any trouble keeping my appointments with Rena - in fact I really look forward to that time - so perhaps it's the social aspect that keeps me motivated? It might be time to seek out some weekend exercise buddies. I also have a hard time getting myself started working out, but once I'm in the moment I have no problem continuing. It's just getting over the hump of starting and sticking with it for 10 minutes that's a challenge. Argghh, why can't this be easier?

OK, I'm done whining and punishing myself - tomorrow is a new day, a new week and a chance to be the change I want to see in myself. Rah Rah!

Goal Check

2010-02-27T07:07:00.005-05:00

Now that 2010 is almost 2 months old, I thought it might be a good time to check in on the goals I set for myself late last year:

Complete a triathlon: I'm signed up for the Danskin SheRox Triathlon in Philly on August 1, 2010. Training is underway.
Take a class in HTML or web design: Sigh. I was signed up for an all-day HTML class yesterday. I was really looking forward to this class and purposely chose one that occurred during my vacation week so I could attend. Alas, Temple cancelled all classes yesterday due to the snow (wimps), and rescheduled the class for next Wednesday. Grrrr! I have to go back to work on Monday so there's no way I can make the new date unless I call in sick (which I seriously considered, but the guilt got the best of me). In an effort to keep the momentum going, however, I decided to look at the selection of HTML books at Barnes & Noble yesterday and found one that looks easy enough for a newbie like me to understand. So in lieu of a class I will be using my new book to teach myself HTML, XHTML and CSS! I did my first lesson last night and enjoyed it very much.
Develop a reasonable 2 to 4-year plan for transitioning out of my current career and into one that I love: Ah, my new career plan. Well, I am pleased to say that I've done a lot of thinking over the past week and I think I have a direction and the beginnings of a 4-year plan (you can't see the twinkle in my eye, but it's there). I'll keep mum on it until I feel more confident, but I ran it by Ken yesterday and he thought it was a good idea!
Bake a loaf of french bread from scratch: I took a bread baking class, and made some pizza dough, but that's it. This mission has yet to be accomplished.
Write a magazine article (does not need to be published, just written): So far I've written two posts for an eco-blog called www.iecycle.org (the second will be published on Wednesday). Not quite a magazine article, but they did require thought and a bit of research so I think I'm moving in the right direction.
Find a way to cook eggs that does not completely gross me out: Eggs, ick. I'm trying to like them. The reason I put them on my list is they seem to be a low calorie, high protein breakfast option and there are a million recipes for eggs. Everyone else likes them, why don't I? I did have a piece of quiche on my last business trip (not by choice, mind you - it was that or skip lunch entirely) and actually didn't mind it too much. It was borderline good, although that may have had something to do with the cheese, milk and pie crust. Which kinda defeats the purpose - quiche is really just pie in disguise. At Miraval I tried both scrambled tofu and scrambled eggs. The tofu was OK, but in general I'm not a fan of the stuff (it's the texture). The eggs were not as gross-tasting as I expected - they actually didn't taste like much at all (not sure what I was expecting, but boiled eggs smell so awful I assumed all eggs would taste exactly like sulfur). Anyway, I could eat them if I were on a desert island and they were the only thing between me and starvation. Ken thinks I might like them better if there were some cheese mixed in, so I haven't given up hope. Perhaps I should give fried or sunny-side-up eggs a try? I'm open to suggestions!
Keep blogging: So far, so good.
Finish off the exercise room so I have a dedicated space for yoga, meditation and working out: The exercise room is ALMOST DONE! The carpet is in, the paint is on the walls, the TV and treadmill are in position. I am now in the final stages of organizing and decorating. I promise to post photos when everything is complete.
Plant a small vegetable garden: I planted an mini-indoor herb garden a few weeks ago. Everything died except the arugula (note to self, seedlings need water - like every day). I think this one will have to wait until the weather gets warmer. In preparation, I have been researching organic gardening, rain barrels and composters.
Reduce spending and create a budget to allow for significantly more saving - in preparation for a career change: Hmm. I have been spending less lately - for example I've been going to the library or Bookswim instead of buying books (my HTML book notwithstanding), and I haven't bought new clothes in quite awhile. My biggest triumph is changing my $4/day latte habit into a $1.50/day coffee with milk habit. Not an easy feat! But if I'm honest with myself I could do a lot better on my overall spending and I think a formal budget is in order. In order to execute my career-change plan we'll need a healthy savings account!

Overall I've either made progress or given some thought to all of them, and since 2010 isn't even 25% over I think that's right where I should be! I'll check back in 2 months with another progress report.

Bits and Pieces

2010-02-26T10:29:00.004-05:00

Tidying up some bits and pieces this morning! In no particular order:

Thanks to Jules of Big Girl Bombshell for the Beautiful Blogger Award! I was so flattered to receive it - right back at ya Jules! Please check out her blog - there's lots of good food for thought and her new site design looks awesome!

This morning I'm trying to recreate some of the Miraval recipes, specifically the black rice & edamame salad, and the asparagus/proscuitto appetizer.

I used this recipe for the salad, and it came out beautifully. Not exactly like the Miraval version but pretty close. Yum! No need for a recipe to make the appetizer - I just blanched the asparagus and wrapped it up in the proscuitto. Double yum!

Yesterday I discovered the make-your-own-trail-mix bar at Whole Foods. I made mine with walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sesame sticks, dates, currants, dried ginger, chocolate chips and m&ms. Triple yum!

Now I'm off to Barnes & Noble to write my next bog post for iecycle.org - if I stay home to write I'll eat my way from one end of my kitchen to the other. I'm writing about organic lawn care this time around - hard to imagine taking care of a lawn with all this snow around, but spring will be here before we know it!

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow - Final Thoughts On Miraval

2010-02-26T08:22:00.001-05:00

My last few hours at Miraval were uneventful - I packed up, had breakfast, picked up my boxed lunch and caught the shuttle to the airport. On the way there I watched the scenery roll by and reflected on my visit:

This was one of the best vacations I've ever taken. Everything was just perfect - the food, the accommodations, the scenery, the spa, the lectures - you name it, it was perfect. But the best part was the focus on fitness - as someone who struggles to fit exercise into her schedule it felt positively decadent to work out several times a day at my leisure. I also learned that healthy food can be incredibly tasty and I've already requested the Miraval cookbook from the library so I can try out some recipes on my own.

Upon my arrival in Philly I caught the train to the suburbs where Ken met me with a nice warm car. At home I crawled into bed and slept a deep, satisfying, dreamless slumber. Thursday morning dawned with sore muscles along with excitement about putting my learnings from Miraval into practice. I had a geat workout with Rena, dropped into Whole Foods to stock up on my favorite fruits and veggies, then headed off to the mall to pick up a BOSU and a new exercise mat for my workout room.

This morning I was greeted with some great news from the scale - I have officially hit the 20-pound mark, which means my time at Miraval gave me a 1.6 pound loss! This is especially notable since I didn't count calories during my stay, rather I tried to make good choices and eat according to my body's needs. The food was so flavorful that I didn't need to eat a lot to feel satisfied, and I was so busy going from class to class that food was low on my priority list. What a nice change to come home from a vacation weighing less than when I left!

Overall I would recommend Miraval to anyone looking for a relaxing vacation, a jump start to their fitness routine or diet, or even someone just looking for some great spa treatments! The resort exceeded my (already high) expectations and delivered a memorable experience that I will never forget. Thanks Miraval - I hope to come back soon!

Walking the Tightrope at Miraval

2010-02-24T08:32:00.002-05:00

Day 4 dawned sunny and COLD! I left my room at 7 to hit up the smoothie bar but by the time I arrived my hands were so cold that all I could think of was coffee. So I nestled myself in front of the fireplace with some steaming hot coffee and a 50-calorie piece of coffee cake that was absolutely yummy:

While I ate, I contemplated whether it was too cold for my first class of the day, Zen Boot Camp. I mean, it was cold out there, people - and all I had to protect me from potential frostbite (OK, it wasn't quite THAT cold, but you get the picture) was a thin fleece pullover. After about 15 minutes of arguing with myself I decided that I was using the cold as an excuse not to try something new (and likely physically demanding) and got my butt back outside and down to the gym.

Randy was our trainer for the day, and even he looked a bit daunted by the cold! But we all grabbed our towels and water bottles and set out for the warmup. On the way, Randy explained that Boot Camp would be just what we expected - tough challenges and a great workout. However, the Zen part of the workout meant that he expected us to be 100% in the moment with every move - not comparing ourselves to others or worrying about when the timer would go off. He suggested we breathe through the exercises and allow ourselves to observe the sensations (mostly pain). With that said, the workout began. We started by running stairs to warm up, then we did squats. Not up-and-down squats though - we held the position for 15 seconds, then 30, then 45, then 60. Each time, Randy encouraged us to make small changes in our position (lean a bit forward on your feet, then back on your heels) to explore how that changed the sensations and perhaps to allow us to hold the position a bit longer. It was a lot like yoga! After the squats, we jogged off to the tennis courts for suicides:

These were tough but also strangely fulfilling - racing from line to line I was completely focused and really enjoying the feeling of pushing myself harder than normal. After the suicides we headed back to the steps for pushups and a few other exercises:

After 45 minutes I was wiped out and felt great! Quick shower then off to Mindful Eating for breakfast.

The mindful eating experience was interesting - Junelle talked a bit about the concept and then we practiced eating in total silence for several minutes. I found myself much more connected to my food and really thinking about how it tasted and felt in my mouth. It was definitely a good exercise!

After breakfast I decided to brave the cold and do some laps in the pool to take advantage of the sunshine and the amazing view of the mountains. Keeping Susan's tips from our coaching session in mind, I swam about 600 yards of drills.

It felt great and I could feel definite improvements in my breathing technique. After that I sank gratefully into the hot tub to warm up before my next class:

Barre class was next on the agenda, and this was another tough one. We used chairs for support while doing a variety of movements with our legs. Every muscle from my hips to my knees was shaking and weak after this class! Signe was a great instructor and kept us laughing throughout the half hour.

Yet another shower and off to lunch! The special today was sesame crusted chicken with a wasabi kick:

Yum!

After lunch I attended a lecture on Balanced Nutrition. Junelle was our teacher and she spoke a lot about the importance of eating unprocessed foods - that Americans are essentially outsourcing their digestion by eating heavily refined foods (such as bread made with bleached white flour), because the body doesn't have to work too hard to store these foods as fats - they are easily broken down in the digestive tract into glucose. I found this incredibly interesting and it made complete and total sense to me.

After the lecture, I had a few moments to gather my thoughts and contemplate the next activity: the Desert Tightrope. This is one of the Dares that takes place on the challenge course, and it involves climbing a pole to a thin cable suspended 35 feet in the air. Using vertical ropes hanging from a higher cable, you slowly inch your way across to the other side. Of course, the entire activity takes place in a harness, but this didn't really diminish my anxiety too much. There are a lot of Dares to choose from - some involve jumping off a 40 foot platform, others involve swinging 35 feet in the air, but for some reason this one really appealed to me. I knew that the hardest part (at least mentally) would be climbing that pole - I am deathly afraid of ladders!

Connor showed up right on time to lead Dana, Alex, Rod, Linda and me down to the challenge course, where he explained what would be happening that day. We each talked a bit about our expectations for the day and then it was into the harnesses. They weren't pretty, but as they were going to be the only thing standing between me and a broken leg I wasn't really complaining! We got some final tips on how we would get down, a suggestion to climb with our legs rather than our arms, a reminder to breath through the fear and his blessing to come back to earth at any time during the exercise. Then it was go time.

I ascended the ladder without too much trouble - having the bolle line attached to my back was comforting (although it kept banging into my helmet at first which was kind of distracting).

At the top of the ladder I panicked a bit, but remembered to breath and took my first step onto the pole. There were large metal staples to use for hand and footholds, but when I grabbed the first one I realized they were much farther apart than they looked from the ground. Another mini-panic attack started to manifest, and I stopped it by breathing and trying to relax. I started to climb.

A couple steps in and I realized that this would be much tougher than it looked - I felt weak from my two hard workouts in the morning and combined with the panic that I was barely keeping under control my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I stopped and hugged the pole.

Crap, I thought. I'm barely off the ladder and I can't go any further. I've been thinking about this moment all week, planning for success and here I am not even able to make it to the stupid cable! I breathed, hugged the pole and remembered that I had counted the staples while I was on the ground and there were 20 of them to go until I could step out onto the cable. I can do 20 of anything, right? OK Shrinking Jill, just breathe...breathe...just do one more step. That's it, you can do this...your legs are shaking but you won't fall, you're in this nice safe harness...one more step...one more...God this is hard...one more...

Then I was almost to the cable:

And then suddenly I was stepping out over thin air:

As I started to let go of the pole, Connor yelled up to me "Take a moment to breathe and enjoy the view!" I did just that, and could feel myself relax. It was much easier to be on the cable than climbing the pole! After gathering myself, I began to inch slowly to the right - holding on to the nearest staple with my left hand, blindly groping around for the closest rope with my right. I caught the rope and began to let go of the pole. Oh boy, that's when things got REALLY hard. It took all my strength to keep my feet on the cable and my body upright - I was swaying back and forth, my knees were buckling, every muscle in my body was trembling...but somehow I managed to keep moving until I was just holding onto the first rope - about 4 feet away from the pole. At that point I felt like my muscles were almost at the point of failure - I was swaying and shaking - but amazingly I wasn't that scared anymore.

I told myself I could come down as soon as I made it to the next rope. Slowly, inch by inch, I kept going. I looked to my right and saw the next rope and grabbed just in time to avoid pitching backwards off the cable.

At that point I decided I was done and yelled down to Connor that I was ready to come down. I worked myself another foot to the right so I was directly under the second rope and sat back in the harness.

Connor slowly lowered me to the ground and it was over. This was a very physical challenge and I was very weak and shaky...but also very proud. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to get up that pole at all - I would have made it a few steps past the ladder and given up. It felt so good to face that fear and win!

Each of us had varying degrees of success - two people made it completely across, one person made it about two thirds of the way up the pole and asked to be let down, and one person made it about two thirds of the way before he lost his footing and slipped off. Overall this was a truly amazing experience, the highlight of my trip, and I'm hoping to come back next year and give it another go!

After the challenge was over, I headed back to my room for some R&R. It was warm enough to sit on the patio so I sipped a cup of tea and enjoyed the view of snow on the mountains:

After that I trotted up to Evening Meditation, but not before stopping off in the lounge from some asparagus wrapped in prosciutto! YUM!

The meditation took place in the yoga center, and Natasha had comfy backrests set up for all of us:

We meditated on the chakras, starting with Muladhara and working our way up to Sahasrara. Natasha helped us focus our attention on by talking about each one in turn - its location, its purpose, and its sound. As she finished speaking about each one she made the sound and we joined in - each one resonated through our bodies and when the sound stopped we enjoyed a reverent silence before moving on to the next one. She finished by using glass bowls to generate a wonderful resonating tone. The entire experience was amazing and I felt great afterwards.

I met two new friends, Jean and Carol, for dinner and we enjoyed a delicious meal with lots of great conversation. I had grass-fed beef bruschetta as an appetizer and elk as my main - both were delish!

I enjoyed a glass of champagne with my meal and topped it off with the chocolate fondue (only 210 calories) which was simply heavenly! At 9pm I returned for dinner and fell into bed for my last night in my casita.

This morning I woke up extremely sore all over, a reminder of my accomplishment on the tightrope! What a great end to a great vacation. Right now I need to head up to the lobby to catch my ride to the airport and wave goodbye to Miraval - tomorrow I'll post some final thoughts on my stay!

Day 3 at Miraval

2010-02-23T08:07:00.004-05:00

I'm happy to say that day 3 was just as wonderful as day 2! I woke up feeling a bit achy and sore (what do you expect when you do 3 cardio workouts and a yoga class in the same day) but it was a pleasant reminder of all the fun I had the day before. The thought of lingering in bed and skipping the morning stretch class crossed my mind, but I had a busy day planned and decided stretching would be the best way to ease into it. So I ditched my comfy robe for a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and went outside to greet the day.

Brrrr, after a night of rain it was COLD outside! Fortunately the stretching room was nice and toasty. This class was different than the day before - Melissa left the lights off so we stretched in the semi-darkness with a view of the cloudy mountains in the distance. She did a lot of dynamic stretching and didn't use the foam rollers at all. I felt incredibly relaxed after this class and floated off to try the breakfast buffet.

Normally I would be scared by the words 'breakfast buffet' - thoughts of belgian waffles, sausage, bacon, and hash browns fill my head and I am helpless around these foods. But not to fear, Miraval provides lots of yummy-looking healthy choices and as always the calories were printed on a discreet sign next to each dish. I took a small portion of roasted potatoes, 2 slices of bacon, a piece of pumpkin bread, several slices of watermelon and a yogurt parfait. Everything was delicious, although I was starting to lose that hungry feeling by the time I started on the parfait so I only had a few bites - with yoga class starting in a half hour I needed my stomach to stay a bit on the empty side or class would have been uncomfortable. I also needed to leave room to try another selection from the juice bar! The juice bar attendant was kind enough to let me photograph the process:

Pineapple, grapes, orange, lemon and voila! Ambrosia juice, 80 calories:

This was delicious and looked a little like a tequila sunrise. I enjoyed it while reading by the fire and then walked up to the yoga studio in the rain. I must say, even though it has been a pretty wet week here, the rain is so soft and gentle it feels refreshing. The mountains are lovely in the clouds and the plants seem to be appreciating the water.

Yoga class took place in the same room as yesterday, and Mary Grace was the instructor again. She was a great teacher and I really enjoyed both classes. Here's the room, and the view:

Sigh. So beautiful.

My next class was Breathwork in the same room. Mary Grace took us through some breathing exercises to connect us with the movement of our diaphragm. It was relaxing and informative and I felt very restored after my time at the yoga center!

Time for lunch! I decided to attend a cooking demonstration and headed back to the restaurant. On the way I had time to try another juice mixture: Mira-Vitality. Carrots, cucumber, spinach, beets, and ginger, 64 calories. The beets gave the mix a gorgeous color:

However, this one was not as much to my liking as the Don Juan or Ambrosia. It didn't taste bad, just kind of vegetabl-y - I think I prefer to chew my veggies rather than drink them. But I came here to try new things, and that's what I did!

The lunch buffet was looked and tasted incredible, and I was amazed at how much flavor there was in comparison to the amount of calories:

Even the condiments were labeled:

The cooking demonstration was in a gorgeous room off the main dining room - the chef demonstrated the recipe while we looked on and ate our lunches.

There were two soups on the menu - carrot-ginger and pear-parsnip. Both were incredibly easy and then he 'eclipsed' them, meaning he put both of them in the same bowl. Since the soups were of the same consistency, they remained separated so that we could taste them individually or together:

These soups were REALLY good! Nice velvety texture, good flavor and so pretty to look at. John used a Vitamix blender and a chinois (a fine mesh strainer) to get the texture just right. He also gave us the recipes so we can try them at home.

After lunch I decided to get some cardio under my belt for the day so I headed off to the gym. I tried out the cool treadmill:

The belt was strange - it looked kind of like the treads on an army tank. But it was really easy on the joints - kind of like running on lush grass - and I got a great workout listening to my iPod and watching Sex and the City. Apparently this is the same type of treadmill that Oprah uses, so I felt a tiny bit like a star while using it. After a half hour I decided to try some of the other machines - the Powerplate & Wave were at the top of my list, and I enlisted the help of Signe and Randy to help me use them:

The Powerplate was a pretty strange contraption - the 'plate' vibrates and sends a mild electric pulse through your body to stimulate your muscles and bones into getting stronger. You can just stand there and hang on, or you can do exercises (I chose to do some squats). Signe said that it's commonly used as physical therapy for athletes who can't do their normal exercises due to an injury. It was fun to try, but I'm not sure if I would add this to my gym routine. The next thing I tried was the Wave, which is similar to an elliptical but the motion of your legs is more like rollerblading or speedskating. This one was HARD! I found this one particularly interesting because to make the exercise harder you have to reduce the resistance on the pads so you are forced to use more of your leg muscles to control the motion. It seemed counter intuitive, but after trying it I got the point pretty quickly. After a few minutes on this I was dripping with sweat and wishing that LA Fitness would get one!

I tried another another elliptical that had a slightly different motion than a traditional machine, and this one had 'poles' that you could push with your arms to engage your upper body. This one was fun too:

Then I tried a stairclimber which I forgot to photograph. But I think the description 'infinite flight of steps' says it all. Phew, I was tired. There was one more machine that I'd never seen before - I called it the armcycle:

Randy said this is a great machine for people with injuries that prevent them from using the other machines - you can get your heart rate up if you really work at it. Since I was running late for my next appointment I skipped it and hit the showers.

At 3pm I attended another lecture with Andrew Wolf, called Metabolism and Prevention. This was sort of a continuation of yesterday's lecture about weight loss and VO2. He explained how various conditions, such as coronary artery disease, diabetes, hypertension and stress are impacted by exercise. He went into a lot of detail on the mechanism of diabetes and how exercise can improve the condition more than just losing weight. I found everything fascinating and would highly recommend his lectures to anyone visiting the resort!

Then I had some free time to relax with some nibbles and champagne before dinner. I read a little and stretched out in the lounge in front of the fireplace. Ahhhhh.

Right before dinner I ran into Jean, a woman from my yoga class. As we were both traveling solo we decided to have dinner together and enjoyed a nice leisurely meal with lots of good conversation. After we ate, she headed off to an evening lecture and I decided to take a bubble bath. We made plans to meet for dinner the following night and I came back to relax in my room for the evening.

All in all, another great day at Miraval!

Today is my last full day here, and I have a lot planned to make sure I take advantage of everything this place has to offer! Here's what my schedule looks like:

7am, smoothie and an easy walk

8am, Zen Boot Camp

9am, Mindful Eating

10am, swim laps (if it's not too cold!)

11:30, Barre express (core training)

Noon, lunch

1pm, Balance Life Through Balanced Nutrition

2:30, Desert Tightrope (this is one of the Dares)

6pm, Evening Meditation

7pm, dinner

I'm especially excited about the Desert Tightrope, because this involves walking a tightrope cable 35 feet in the air. I have a fear of heights and I thought this would be a good chance to see what I'm really made of!

Day 2 at Miraval

2010-02-22T08:42:00.001-05:00

Day 2 was a complete success - I managed to fit in all my scheduled activities and also scored a personal training session with the resident swim coach and a dip in the hot tub! My day was jam-packed with activities starting with breakfast at 6:30 and I didn't really take a break from working out, showering, eating or spa-ing until I got back to my room at 8pm! The rain held off for the entire day so I was able to get from place to place without getting soaked.

Here's what my day looked like - I started early with coffee by the fireplace and then headed outside to catch the last of the sunrise:

Next I set out to find the gym, or Body Mindfulness Center, for my first class. Miraval has lots of signs to make sure you don't get too lost:

Then went to morning stretch class in a beautiful room with windows overlooking the mountains and the lap pool:

At 7am the air was still pretty brisk and the pool was giving off some serious steam! Morning stretch class was great - just right to get me in the mood for a day of workouts - gentle stretching and some work with straps and foam rollers. Then I headed off for a group walk in the desert, which was really fun.

One of the women I met on my first night here was also on the walk and we chatted about careers & life. She gave me some great advice about starting up a business. (Ruth, if you're reading this, thanks for the advice & hope you had a great time watching the trio play last night!)

A quick note about the people here (guests and staff alike) - everyone is incredibly friendly, open and generous of spirit! I'm not sure if the clean mountain air has something to do with it, or if Miraval tends to attract people with these qualities, but I have met so many wonderful women here with so many great stories.

Anyway, back to the travelogue. At 9am I headed off to spin class, which took place in the same room as morning stretch. Spin bikes magically appeared:

During the class the instructor talked about her triathlon training experience and I mentioned the SheRox in August, explaining that I was most nervous about the swim. She offered to give me a swim clinic later in the day! I jumped on that opportunity immediately and set up the appointment before heading off to get a smoothie.

The smoothie bar was really nice - there was a board advertising the day's choices, complete with calories and fat! I chose the Don Juan which was HEAVENLY (even more so because I don't normally like bananas) and later went back for the Ageless Skin Juice (which was not so yummy - note to self, lettuce is not good in a smoothie).

At this point the sun was finally shining so I took a quick walk around the grounds and took some pictures:

Have I mentioned that I love this place?

I took an outdoor shower, with this view:

All cleaned up with fresh clothes I headed off to a yoga class. The yoga center is beautiful, with spectacular views. There's nothing quite like using a distant mountaintop as your drishti! After yoga, it was off to lunch with the resident exercise physiologist. We loaded up our plates with delicious healthy options (all labeled with calories and fat) and peppered Andy with questions for an hour. Note - I completely forgot to take pictures of the food but I promise to take some today! Andy was very knowledgable and answered everyone's questions with ease. After lunch I hurried off to my swim lesson, where Susan evaluated my stroke, took me through some drills, and gave me some valuable training and race day tips. The pool was so warm and it felt great to swim outside for a change! At the end of the hour I took yet another shower then headed back to my room to ditch my swimsuit and pack my bag for the rest of the day.

At 3pm I attended a lecture called 'Making Weight Loss a Reality'. At first Andy (the same Andy from lunch!) talked about calorie deficit and how much it takes to lose a pound. I was a bit disappointed as this is old hat to me, but after a few minutes he started talking more about metabolism and how to up your calorie burn. The main point of his talk was to explain the meaning of VO2 max and how to increase it via cardio. I ended up getting a LOT of out this lecture and rather than go into the details of what he talked about in this post I'm going to do some research and do a separate post dedicated to the topic.

After the lecture I sped down to the spa to take a dip in the hot tub before my massage:

I had hoped to take a dip in the spa pool, but the clouds were rolling in and the temperature was starting to drop so I skipped it.

My massage was scheduled for 5pm, and Tracy showed up right on time to take me to the outdoor treatment rooms:

Spa camp! These rooms were so nice - each one was fenced in with bamboo, a private patio and lovely landscaping. Inside the tents there was a heater to keep everything nice and toasty, and one side of the room was glass so you could see a little bit of nature during your treatment. Heaven!

After my massage I headed up to the restaurant for dinner, which was lovely, and then came back to my room and crawled into bed. A busy but very satisfying day!

Today's schedule looks something like this:

7am, Morning stretch

8am, breakfast

9am, yoga

10am, breath work

11:30, cooking demonstration

3pm, Metabolism and Prevention lecture

At some point during the day I'm going to try out the equipment at the gym:

OK - I better run or I won't have time for coffee before my first class - thanks for reading - I'll post Day 3 soon!!

Miraval = Heaven

2010-02-21T07:11:00.100-05:00

Last summer I decided to fulfill a lifelong dream of taking a health-oriented vacation. A friend of mine had recently returned from Canyon Ranch raving about the classes, the food, the spa treatments...and I thought it might be time to take action and take a trip of my own. I researched options and ran across Miraval on the Oprah website. It seemed to have everything I wanted and more: a great location (Tuscon!), a yoga center, lots of interesting fitness classes, nutrition and weight loss classes, great food, a world-class spa and a variety of physical 'Dares' that challenge your perceptions of yourself (think walking on a tightrope 30 feet above the desert floor).

So I booked it last fall and have been counting the days ever since. Yesterday was my first day onsite and so far it has been an amazing experience.

I landed in the Tuscon airport at 2pm and Dave, my Miraval driver, was waiting for me with a smile and a cute tote bag containing a guide to the resort, list of activities for the week, an awesome reusable water bottle and a voucher for a boxed lunch to take with me on my departure day. Yay! no icky airline food for me on Wednesday! We chatted amiably throughout the hour-long drive to the resort as he told me interesting facts about the surrounding area.

I arrived at the resort around 3pm, and was in awe of the location - nestled at the base of the Catalina mountains, with miles and miles of desert landscape in all directions. Heaven on earth, in my humble opinion. The weather was uncharacteristically cold and rainy (and sadly, I think it will remain that way throughout my stay) but as I'm a bit tired of the bitter cold air, 2 feet of dirty snow and bleak landscape that Philly has to offer right now I was more than happy to suffer a few raindrops!

Upon arrival, another Miraval staff member greeted me at the front door with an umbrella and led me inside to meet Charlie, who had my check-in information waiting for me as well as my list of scheduled appointments during my stay. He gave me a short tour of the main buildings and then another kind gentleman showed up in a golf cart to bring me to my room, where my luggage had magically appeared while I was on the tour!

Thus far, Miraval had not disappointed me - the grounds were lovely, the staff was friendly and professional and everything was running smoothly. My living quarters - the word room just doesn't cut it - are simply stunning. Behold the entrance to my personal casita:

Home sweet home! I opened the door to the nicest bathroom I have ever seen IN MY LIFE. The soaking tub is next to a wall of windows that overlooks an outdoor shower - open to the sky above:

The bedroom and view were amazing - one side of the bedroom is a wall of windows that slides magically away to allow full access to the patio and desert beyond:

If you step outside, you can see the challenge course in the distance:

Giddy with delight, I skipped around the room for awhile trying to decide what to do first. The soaking tub and outdoor shower beckoned, but I couldn't make up my mind. So I did both. First a bath, with a cup of chamomile tea and my yoga book, then a shower:

After that, I headed up to the lodge to relax by the fireplace and enjoy a glass of wine. I took some photos on the way...

...and then my camera battery died. But not to worry, I brought my charger and am all set to document day 2.

I meandered around for awhile checking out the grounds then found a cozy seat in the lounge where I had some healthy snacks (veggies, guacamole, bagel chips and salsa), a glass of champagne, and chatted with some friendly women seated nearby. They gave me tips on how to make my stay as enjoyable as possible and clued me in to the smoothie bar which opens at 5:30am and has lots of cool juices to try.

Since the majority of my food during the day was airline or airport based, I decided to count the snacks and champagne as my dinner and head off to my 7pm spa treatment, the Sonoron Mud Wrap. Wow. Just Wow. The spa itself is amazing - hopefully I'll be able to provide pictures today - and my service provider, Melanie, was top-notch. At 8:30 I walked home in my robe and slippers - too blissed out to even consider changing back into my clothes - and climbed directly into the huge, soft, fluffy, everything-you-imagined-and-more bed and relaxed with a good book (Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven, by Susan Jane Gilman) before drifting off to sleep. Ahhhhhh.....

Today I have a busy day planned:

6:30 - breakfast at the smoothie bar

7:00 - morning stretch class

8:00 - 2-mile fitness walk in the desert

9:00 - spinning class

10:00 - back to my room for a shower and change of clothes

11:00 - yoga class

12:00 - lunch with the resident exercise physiologist

3:00 - lecture - Making Weight Loss a Reality

5:00 - outdoor massage

7:00 - dinner

I promise to take lots of photos today and fill you in on the delicious details tonight!

Before I get dressed and head off to breakfast, I'll share a quote I found in the resort guide:

"Change happens when the discomfort of the familiar outweighs the fear of the unknown"

I'm going to give this a lot of thought today as I try some new things and contemplate my journey...

Wanna Hear Something Completely Crazy?

2010-02-19T06:51:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I went out for lunch to celebrate a coworker’s last day at work (bye Abby, we’ll miss you!!). It was an unplanned lunch and I ditched* the healthy salad that I brought for a buffalo chicken wrap, sweet potato fries and several bites of chocolate lava cake. It was completely yummy and worth it, and even though my lunch was probably close to 2000 calories after all was said and done, I don’t regret it!

Here’s the crazy part – I left work around 5pm, intending to stop off at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up something yummy yet still healthy for dinner. But I wasn’t hungry and couldn’t decide what to get, so I went to my favorite pedicure place instead. I got home around 6:30 with perfect red toes and spent some time on the computer. Around 8pm I realized that I still hadn’t eaten dinner, wasn’t really hungry, and didn’t really care if I ate anything! What????? This is uncharted territory for me – did I really just forget about food? I went to bed without dinner and got up this morning feeling great – both physically and mentally. Even better, I didn’t wake up with cravings for something high in calories – just my normal coffee and granola bar, which I am enjoying as I write this.

I am surprised and pleased by this new development – without even trying I was able to take my hunger cues from my body and not my brain. And most importantly, the high fat/high salt lunch that I had didn’t set off automatic triggers to binge at dinner. Quite the opposite, my body and brain responded to the extra calories as expected, remaining full and satisfied for many hours. Life is good.

*To be fair to myself, I went out for lunch two other times this week and instead of ditching my salad I just brought it along and ate it anyway, instead of buying something that wasn’t part of my daily plan. And as you might guess, I did get some funny looks eating a homemade salad at SALADWORKS!

100th post!

2010-02-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

Today is my 100th post! I wish I had some exciting wisdom about the number 100, or an inane fact such as "I've also eaten 100 salads since I started blogging", but alas I don't have the attention span to count that high and wouldn't even have realized that today was my 100th post if Blogger.com wasn't counting them for me. But much like my fitness program, I'm both surprised and pleased that I've stuck with it so long. It's been a fun ride, I've met some great new people and learned a lot about myself. So thanks to everyone out there that reads my ramblings!

In lieu of wisdom or facts, I'll just share a Youtube video that will hopefully give you 100 belly laughs: Poo Chi (thanks to Greta at Big Bottom Blogger for sharing!)

Dr. Beck Upcoming Appearances

2010-02-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

For those of you that follow the Beck Diet - I received the following email from the Beck Institute this morning advertising some upcoming appearances:

*****************************************************
Dear Friends,

We’ve received quite a few emails asking if Dr. Beck will be offering another diet workshop. While there is not a full-day workshop scheduled yet, we want to alert you to three upcoming presentations for professionals. (See listings below.)

Also, Dr. Beck will appear on the Dr. Oz show TOMORROW, Thursday, February 18th, advising a food pushing mom. For local times and listings visit http://www.doctoroz.com/.
--
Upcoming Professional Presentations

May 6-8, 2010 – Washington, DC
Centers for Obesity Research and Education (CORE) - 6th Annual National State-of-the-Art Conference

Invited Lecture (45 minutes): A Cognitive Behavioral Approach to Motivating Patients

Website: http://www.contemporaryforums.com/en/Live-CE-Conferences/Obesity-Treatment-and-Prevention/

June 2-5, 2010 – Boston, MA
World Congress of Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (WCBCT)

Master Clinician Presentation (2 hours): A Cognitive Behavioral Approach to Weight Loss and Maintenance

Website: http://www.wcbct2010.org/

July 15-17, 2010 – Philadelphia, PA
2nd Annual Robard Corporation Conference: The Science and Business of Weight Management for the New or Experienced Practitioners

Presentation (45 minutes): Secrets of Successful Weight Loss: A Cognitive Behavioral Approach

Website: http://www.weightconference.com/

Ruby

2010-02-17T06:36:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else out there watch Ruby? I've seen the show once or twice but haven't really gotten into it. However, there was nothing else to watch on the treadmill this morning so I ended up watching most of the season opener.

First of all, I applaud her for coming from 700 pounds down to 350 - that is a truly exceptional accomplishment and I'm always in awe of people who can make that kind of commitment. But one topic of this week's show really bothered me: eating addiction. When she was talking to her therapist, Ruby seemed completely unaware that she has a food addiction! I can't imagine going through the process of losing 350 pounds and not coming to terms with that fact. Clearly there is a lot more going on with Ruby than she is consciously aware of, and by the end of the show it looked like she was getting the help she needed, but I was left with a sense of amazement at just how deeply subconscious most of our daily choices and habits must be. Wow. Best of luck to Ruby in her journey - she definitely caught my attention with this episode and I'll be tuning in for the rest of the season to see how this story turns out.

Ohhhh Yeah!

2010-02-16T05:32:00.000-05:00

Apparently I was just one workout away from hitting a new low since October - and in 0.4 pounds I'll be at a new low since 2007!

Food For Thought

2010-02-15T21:01:00.002-05:00

Microwave popcorn used to be a staple in my cabinets. Not anymore:

http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/features_julieshealthclub/2009/10/whats-wrong-with-microwave-popcorn.html

Who Do I Want To Be?

2010-02-15T07:14:00.001-05:00

Well I'm sorry to say that I was up 2 pounds on Saturday morning, after a week of traveling, less than perfect food choices, and very little exercise. And although I got some cardio and strength training in and watched my food intake this weekend, I'm still up a pound this morning. Sigh. I know I'm losing momentum. But the SheRox triathlon is getting closer day by day - those legs aren't going to train themselves!

So this morning I got my butt into gear - hit the treadmill for 30 minutes right after I got up and then packed all my food for the day. I'll park a half-mile from work to get an extra 20 minutes of walking in to and from my building. Tonight I have a strength training session with Rena. Tomorrow will either be spinning or yoga after work. It's time to up my calorie burn to get the weight off faster - each pound lost will make it that much easier to train for the 5K part of the tri.

Who do I want to be? The woman that says "I can skip today's workout - there's always tomorrow" or the woman that says "I took action towards my goal today." The choice is mine to make!

U-G-L-I You Ain't Got No Alibi

2010-02-14T12:27:00.000-05:00

In an effort to keep my taste buds amused and simultaneously eat something healthy, I picked up an ugli fruit today at Whole Foods:

Honestly, this was not the ugliest fruit I've ever seen, but as I'm a complete sucker for an underdog I decided to take one home and give it a try. Unsure what to expect, I cut it in half and discovered citrus:

The taste was not bad - sort of pineapple-y, very juicy and a bit on the tart side. My husband loved it, I thought it was just so-so. In general I prefer my fruit on the sweet side. On the plus side, though, it was very easy to peel!

Pick Me! Pick Me!

2010-02-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

My quest for a new career is over...President Obama needs someone to manage his social networking apps:

http://brainstormtech.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2010/02/12/help-wanted-obamas-twitterer-filibusterers-need-not-apply/?source=cnn_bin&hpt=Sbin

You Win Some, You Lose Some

2010-02-12T06:52:00.000-05:00

My week is almost over, and there have been some victories and some things I could have done better. On the plus side, I did manage to gracefully decline one group dinner this week and spend the night relaxing and regrouping in my hotel room with a glass of champagne and a healthy dinner. I skipped ALL snacks this week, skipped the hotel breakfast buffet and didn't take seconds at lunch (except for the day they served these amazing freshly baked cookies. I had three). At a minimum each day I got 3 servings of fruit & veg. In preparation for this week I brought enough homemade granola bars to have one for breakfast each morning along with a banana and coffee from Starbucks. And I managed to get in one cardio workout on the cool hotel treadmill:

Seriously, if I had an extra $7000, I'd have one of these in my home!

Unfortunately, I couldn't get out of business dinners on Tuesday and Thursday, which meant eating in restaurants that had few healthy options and not knowing the menu ahead of time. On Tuesday night I did fairly well - although I didn't have low cal options to choose from I kept my portions low (left a third of my dinner on the plate), had a few bites of the group appetizer and a few bites of someone else's dessert. Last night's dinner ...well, that's a different story. It was at a microbrewery, and I just sort of gave up. I had a huge beer, way too many bites of the greasy appetizers and ate every bite of the pulled pork sandwich and fries that I ordered. It was really yummy and once I started I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of leaving anything on my plate. Fortunately we really lingered over dinner so by the time my food was gone I was pretty stuffed and didn't order dessert - this is a definite improvement over past dinners out.

As far as workouts go, I was disappointed that I only worked out once. We started at 7:30 each morning so I had to be on my way out of the hotel by 7am each day - but if I'm really honest with myself I could have gotten up earlier every morning and done something. But at least I got one good workout in.

All in all, it could have been better, but it definitely could have been worse. If the scale has gone up a pound or less tomorrow morning I'll consider this week a win.

This Week's Challenge...

2010-02-09T05:58:00.000-05:00

This week I am traveling for work and am somewhat at the mercy of others during two meals per day (I've already decided to opt out of group dinners this week and hit the hotel gym instead). Yesterday was my first day on the road, and I had a nice lunch at the airport (glass of wine, dark leafy green salad and a very small pork taco with black beans). Dinner was a cup of miso soup and two sushi rolls. Lots of water. No workout, but got a good amount of walking around the airport at both ends.

This morning...well I'm here on my computer staring at the goodie basket thinking 'where can I hide this thing'. The contents are as follows: 1 can honey roasted peanuts, 1 can salted cashews, 1 can pringles, 1 snickers bar, 1 bag peanut m&ms, 1 bag plain m&ms, 1 package oreos, a package twizzlers and 1 bag goldfish. Geez, can't a girl get a break???

So far I haven't caved and I feel pretty strong - but I think I'll put them in the closet anyway. This week's challenge will be leaving the basket intact - I'll report back on Friday night!

Oh - one more thing - I can't wait to work out tonight - they have the coolest treadmills and bikes here - each one has an individual TV screen and an iPod dock!

Today's Workout

2010-02-06T10:44:00.003-05:00

15 inches of snow = shoveling + yoga

Baby Steps

2010-02-05T06:11:00.000-05:00

Over the past couple weeks my weight has been slowly dropping even though I haven't been closely counting calories - it seems that I'm starting to learn to eat according to my stomach and stop when I'm full. Last night I had a craving for some comfort food and instead of fighting it I decided to try an experiment with some of my favorite foods. I picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry's and an Amy's frozen pizza. Dangerous stuff, I know...you may even want to cover your eyes, because this is horror-movie-suspenseful...

I had an episode of Biggest Loser and the premiere of Lost cued up and ready to go - and while the pizza was baking I opened the carton of ice cream, grabbed a spoon, and headed for my favorite pig-out post, the big blue chair. I told myself to eat until I didn't want any more, and dug in. I put the ice cream away when the timer for the pizza went off. Told myself I could return to the ice cream after pizza, and that I could have as much pizza as I wanted.

The results? In total, I ate just under two servings of ice cream and only two slices of pizza. And after the pizza, I just didn't want any more ice cream! Yes, I ate almost 1200 calories for dinner, which is about twice as much as I would normally eat. But 1200 calories is much much less than I could have eaten, believe me. I didn't eat the entire carton of ice cream and I didn't eat the whole pizza! AND - and this is the best part - I didn't spend the rest of the evening trolling through the kitchen trying to figure out what else I could eat. I ate until I was not quite full, until I was no longer savoring the taste of either food, and then stopped. In the past I would have finished both, even if I wasn't really enjoying either and I would have eaten until I felt too full.

The pizza wasn't my normal irresistible pepperoni pizza from Michael's down the street (the best pizza in Philly as far as I'm concerned). It was a 3-cheese cornmeal crust pizza which didn't taste bad, but didn't have that 'oh my god I can't stop eating this' quality that Michael's pizza has. Pizza is a definite trigger food for me, so I think choosing one that isn't on my list of absolute favorites helped set me up for success in this experiment. I'm not quite ready to try this with a large, oily, pepperoni pizza because I don't yet feel like I could stop at just a couple pieces - and that might set off some guilt and a few days of backlash binging. But I did control myself with the ice cream which is a huge step forward. And I didn't eat just for the sake of eating.

Baby steps!

Guest Post

2010-02-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

Today I posted on another blog for the first time - I'm so excited! It's an eco-friendly blog called iecycle.org and I'll be posting on the 3rd of each month about an environmental topic of my choice. My first post was (of course) about Freecycle, and next month I'll be writing about environmentally-friendly lawn care. Any suggestions for topics would be greatly appreciated.

Check out this month's post here and enjoy!

It's Not About the Food

2010-02-01T20:14:00.002-05:00

Warning...significant navel-gazing in this post...

When I started this 'makeover' project last October, I thought it was all about teaching myself new eating habits, getting healthy, meeting my fitness goals, and understanding why I have such a messed up relationship with food. I am grateful for the progress towards those very important goals but the farther I get down this path, the more I realize that it's not about the food. It's really about finding out who I want to be - what kind of friend, wife, sister, citizen - or more accurately what kind of human I want to be - and then becoming that person. Making choice after choice each day that leads me in the direction of the person I want to be. Some of those choices will be food-related (do I really want to be the girl that eats 3 brownies for lunch?) but most will not.

I find that as I stop focusing on food every minute of the day, I can instead turn my attention to what I want to do with my life. I'd like a new career, sure - that's certainly one of the steps towards becoming the best version of myself. But the larger question is really what impact do I want to have on the world around me? What am I capable of creating, what heights can I reach? What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind when I'm gone? Do I want to be an agent of change, or just let the tides carry me where they may?

I thought my relationship with food was holding me back from achieving my goals, but I was wrong. I defined myself as a compulsive eater, lazy, someone who has no self control. But I don't need to define myself that way, I can be whoever I want to be. We all can.

Nope, it's not about the food.

Be The Change

2010-02-01T04:38:00.000-05:00

Well it's Monday morning and I'm up ridiculously early because I woke up at 3:30am and felt wide awake. I guess that could have something to do with the 2-hour nap I took yesterday as well as the fact that I was asleep by 9pm...but I digress.

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is negativity in the workplace. I work on a large team, across timezones and oceans, and most of our communication is via telecon, email or instant message. There is very little face to face contact and as a result, frustration and negativity build up when things don't go well. A LOT of blaming and complaining goes on behind people's backs and I'm starting to realize that it really brings me down. It's so much easier to blame someone when you can't see their face and so much easier to say things over instant message that you would never say in person. In general, I try not to put things in writing that I wouldn't say to someone's face but I do find myself complaining about others quite a bit - letting the overall negativity get into my head and feed on my own insecurities. I don't want to be a woman who makes herself feel better at the expense of others, because ultimately I think that just makes you feel worse about yourself. So I'm going to use my extra time this morning to center myself and get ready for the week ahead - a week where I stop complaining about others and about my job and instead try to change the things I can and accept the things I can't.

In the words of Gandhi, "You must be the change you want to see in the world."

Have a great week everyone!

Sunday in the Kitchen

2010-01-31T16:49:00.000-05:00

Today was all about preparing myself for the coming week - lots of laundry, picking up around the house and COOKING! I made yet another batch of granola bars:

A batch of brown sugar meringues (only 11 calories each!):

I am aware that they don't look like the ones you buy in the store - I used a spoon rather than a pastry bag and they look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book! But I can assure you they taste heavenly and each one is absolutely unique.

I also cooked up a huge batch of brussel sprouts for the week. Here is batch #1:

This one got a little burned, but they are nice and crunchy. I cooked up another huge batch after this was done - and instead of sauteing in olive oil, I chopped up 2 slices of bacon, cooked them, and then sauted the sprouts in the bacon fat. YUUUUUUMMMMMMMM:

Then I mixed both batches together to share the bacon love.

While all that was going on, I baked some oven-fried chicken and made some corn chowder. All in all a very productive day, and now I have plenty of healthy lunch choices - no excuses this week!

FYI, all of the recipes except the granola bars & brussel sprouts came from a cookbook I just got from Bookswim called 'Cook Yourself Thin Faster'. I highly recommend it - there are some great recipes and all of them are very easy!

Support for a Worthy Cause

2010-01-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

A fellow blogger and triathlete (well, she's a triathlete, I'm just a wannabe) is raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society: Natasha, The Unlikely Triathlete has signed up for The Nation's Triathlon in September! Congrats Natasha!

Here's a link to her fundraising page - please consider donating to support this worthy cause!

There's Hope For Me Yet...

2010-01-30T12:32:00.007-05:00

For the past several days I have avoided the scale because I didn't want to see a gain and get discouraged. I haven't counted calories very closely for the past few days and last weekend I know I ate more than I should have. And in the past this behavior has always resulted in a gain of a few pounds. But I decided it was time to face the music this morning and lo and behold, I had a 0.6 pound loss when I got on the scale! I'm not 100% sure why this happened, but I *think* that I am finally learning to eat intuitively. The thought 'hunger is not an emergency' continually runs through my head and I try to delay eating my next meal until I'm truly hungry. I'm learning to not eat until I'm stuffed & sick, and when I do have a snack, it's not a candy bar - it's a few clementines and some nuts or a piece of cheese. I'm savoring and enjoying my food a lot more, and - get this - I am actually satisfied with less! There have been a few times over the past couple days where I've stopped myself from going into a binge with the thought "Do I really want to be that person? Is it really worth it? Or do I want to be someone who stops before they've gone too far?" I know it's too premature to tell for sure, but I think I'm slowly redefining my eating habits and relying more on physical cues for hunger rather than emotional ones.

Overall, I'm pleased with my progress - not just on the scale but inside my head. I'm definitely not ready to discontinue the daily calorie counting but it was exciting to see that some of those subconscious habits are starting to change. There's hope for me yet...

Pat Pat Pat

2010-01-29T06:20:00.000-05:00

The other day I realized that I have been doing 45-minute strength training workouts twice a week with Rena for about eight months. Without question, that is the longest I have ever stuck with a fitness routine - normally I abandon my workouts as soon as my eating patterns slide. But for the last eight months, regardless of whether I am eating 'on plan' or not, or whether I'm getting in any cardio, or really paying attention to any other health issues in my life, I have faithfully gone to my twice-weekly workouts. As a result, I can feel firm muscle developing underneath my slowly disappearing fat, and in general I am just stronger, more flexible and more fit. Not only am I proud of my new muscles and fitness - I am AMAZED that I have stuck with something for so long. This gives me hope that I will ultimately attain my weight loss goals and also any other goals I may set for myself - I feel like anything is possible! Woohoo!

My Inner Toddler

2010-01-25T14:03:00.002-05:00

This past weekend two old friends came to visit for a few days. It was great – we caught up on old times, had a few drinks, shopped and had some great food. Calorie-wise I ate more than usual, but when I compared what I ate to what my Bodybugg said I burned, it was a break-even situation. So even though I didn't lose weight over the weekend, I didn't gain. The real damage was weakening my resistance muscle – several times I ate when I really wasn’t hungry (Karen brought Lindor Truffles and I am helpless around them) and Saturday night I had four pieces of pizza even though I was full after two. The poor choices continued long after my friends left - last night I grazed my way through the kitchen and this morning I found myself eating a lot of unplanned food. I finally recognized that my habit of saying no to unplanned food had been broken and needed to be repaired from the ground up. This afternoon I've been trying to redirect myself every time the thought of food comes up, which means that every two minutes I have to deal with the automatic thought 'I'm hungry, time to eat!'

Basically, my subconscious is acting like a toddler in a room full of delicate glass figurines. Oooh! Shiny! Pretty! Want to touch! I have to be hyper-vigilant, watching her every move, or else she will pick one up and break it. Put that down honey, it might break. No sweetie, put it down, that’s fragile! No! Put that down! I SAID NO! Sigh. My entire day has been like this. I wish I could check myself into daycare so someone else could keep an eye on me for awhile.

What have I learned from this? Never let my guard down - if I didn't plan to eat it, I should just say no. It's too hard to relearn habits after a relapse.

I'll get to put my newly learned lesson to the test tomorrow, because I am flying to New Hampshire for the day, which means airports and eating out. I'll bring some healthy snacks and keep reminding myself that hunger is not an emergency, but I think tomorrow will mostly be me vs. myself, gutting it out against my subconscious.

In other news, I went to the gym this morning and swam 500 yards nonstop - a new training record! Yay me!

Girl's Weekend

2010-01-23T20:35:00.002-05:00

Got a couple of friends here for the weekend, enjoying some good relaxing girl time and chatter for a few days - promise to post soon!

Freecycle! Changing the World One Gift at a Time

2010-01-20T19:05:00.000-05:00

No news on the fitness front today other than keeping my calories a bit below normal to compensate for dinner out last night (and 2 glasses of champagne, yum!). All is going well in diet-land and I don't have any insights or other thoughts to offer today.

So, I thought instead I'd use this time to write about one of my favorite things, Freecycle. For the uninitiated, Freecycle is world-wide network of local groups, the members of which give and receive 'gifts' that are actually items that the owner no longer needs (or in some cases is willing to loan out for a short period). There are groups springing up all over the world, and to find a group near you just check www.Freecycle.org. The whole thing is done through email and Yahoo groups, and honestly couldn't be any easier to use.

The purpose of the group is to keep otherwise useful items out of landfills - from furniture to egg cartons, almost everything we touch can have a second life with someone else! It gives me great joy to pass along something that I'm no longer using, rather than letting it clutter up my house or even worse, a garbage dump.

Here are a few things I have successfully Freecycled (the list is much longer but these are some fun examples):

Old umbrellas, to a high school drama club staging a production of 'Singing in the Rain'
Several almost new bottles of expensive shampoo, conditioner, etc. that I used once and didn't like
Sparkly silver pumps (sadly, a size too small for me)
A gift certificate to a local theater that I knew I wouldn't use
A box of 3 dozen weight loss books that I've read over the years (yes, I finally admitted that they weren't really helping me)
Several unopened cute travel toiletry kits from British Airways - these went to a local homeless shelter!
A couple old cell phones

Freecycle is also a great way to save money - just keep an eye on things that are posted, and you might end up finding someone that is giving away exactly what you need...like the time I lost my car phone charger and someone serendipitously offered one up a few weeks later. And here's the best part: I had the opportunity to Freecycle the same charger to someone else just this past weekend, so it's getting yet another chance at a useful life!

I could go on and on (and I guess I have) but this is such a great grassroots movement that I thought it deserved some airtime! Now it's up to you - what do you have in your house that you can Freecycle?

Cookies in the House

2010-01-18T05:55:00.009-05:00

We have cookies in the house. Beautiful tiny shortbread hearts, dipped in chocolate. Yum. They joined us last Tuesday night, straight from Whole Foods, and they are flaky and buttery and pretty much perfection itself. But strangely enough, there are still several left. I'm not sure what to say about that...this is completely unprecedented territory for me. Normally they would have been gone in at least 48 hours, and there is just NO WAY they ever would have survived a weekend with me at home. But instead of eating the whole package as a snack, I've eaten just one cookie per day, right after dinner. Three bites to savor, and that's it. I am stunned, amazed and proud of myself beyond belief.

And did I mention the gourmet organic milk chocolate? It remains on the counter, unopened and ignored since Tuesday night. It's there for me when I'm ready. Again, speechless but proud.

The hunger experiments went well this weekend - I managed to eat 3 meals and a snack on both Saturday and Sunday and went hungry in between. I kept myself busy by organizing things around the house, cleaning, moving furniture, posting things on Freecycle, reading, blogging, watching movies, exercising...anything but eating. I went to bed a little hungry last night, and woke up hungry this morning. And strangely enough, I'm starting to like feeling a bit hungry - it reminds me that my body is actively seeking other sources of energy: FAT!

Of course, riding out the hunger at home which is essentially a stress-free zone is one thing, but trying this out at work will be a new challenge. I'm glad I practiced for a few days before going pro. I'll check back in tonight to let y'all know how things went today!

Weight Loss Tracker

2010-01-16T14:08:00.001-05:00

I ditched the Traineo tracker on my blog because it only shows my progress towards my interim August goal...and I was tired of seeing something that said I'd only lost 4 pounds when I've actually lost 15. So I decided to put up a ticker that shows my final weight loss goal instead.

Also, I'm now officially counting down the days til my Triathlon in August - less than 7 months to go!

Results of the Hunger Experiment

2010-01-16T14:05:00.001-05:00

I'm happy to report that last night's hunger experiment went very well - I didn't eat anything for the rest of the night, my hunger died down to a tolerable level and most importantly...the world did not end. In fact, about an hour after I wrote the post last night I'd completely forgotten about food because I got wrapped up watching the latest episode of Biggest Loser.

The Beck Diet has quite a few experiments designed to help dieters learn new ways of thinking. I'm planning to try most of them out - I'll post about the results as I work my way through them.

Experimenting With Hunger

2010-01-15T18:09:00.013-05:00

In her book, The Complete Beck Diet For Life, Dr. Beck writes that you shouldn't eat unless you're experiencing true hunger pangs, and she feels that most Americans don't know what true hunger feels like. I know I don't - I've always had trouble with this skill. For example, last night I planned out all my food for today and have eaten everything according to plan. I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, and just finished a very satisfying 650-calorie dinner about 45 minutes ago. But I still feel kinda hungry, like I need to eat something else. Sitting here, I'm mentally reviewing what's in the fridge, trying to decide how many calories I can eat to make the hungry feeling go away without doing too much damage to my daily total. The urge to make the hunger go away is so automatic that my brain keeps returning to the thought "you're hungry, go get something to eat" about every 90 seconds. I just can't stomach the thought of being hungry - it makes me feel uncomfortable emotionally as well as physically. And I do NOT like being uncomfortable!

In Dr. Beck's words, "Being hungry is not an emergency." And my logical thinking brain knows that it's not, that I'm obviously in no danger of starving. Hell, I have 451,535* calories stored on my body as fat - that's got to be enough to get me through at least one evening without food, right? So why do I feel a bit panicky at the thought of not eating and feeling hungry all night? Do I need to run a marathon tonight? No. Am I Scarlett O'Hara (as God is my witness...), rebuilding my plantation after it was destroyed by the Yankees? No. But deep down inside...and I really think this is the root of the issue...I equate hunger with being unfulfilled. And rather than take the time to find out what I really need, I take the easy way out and stuff the feelings down with food, rather than experience and deal with them.

I could always drink a glass of water to make the hungry feeling go away, but I think this evening I'm going to feel the hunger, and prove to myself that the world won't end if I'm not fed. I've never been one to just sit with a feeling, physical or emotional, and just experience it. Not try to change it, fix it, make it better or worse - just experience it. So tonight I'm going to do just that - I have a quiet evening planned at home, by myself. I'm just going to putter around the house, maybe read, maybe do some housework, and just be hungry.

FYI - Jen at PriorFatGirl.com has a great discussion going today on this very topic - check out the action here.

*The reason I know the exact number? I had my body fat checked yesterday. Ouch. But that's another post entirely.

Resisting The Cupcakes --OR-- Why Starbucks Is Part Of My Workout Routine

2010-01-14T07:53:00.005-05:00

Every morning on the way to work I head to Starbucks to get my daily coffee fix. It's a part of my morning routine that I look forward to every day - it doesn't add too many calories, I enjoy exchanging a few jokes and pleasantries with the baristas, and the coffee gets me ready for a busy day. All in all, it's a harmless guilty pleasure.

But....as I stand in line each morning, I inevitably end up gazing in loving admiration at the baked goods, for which Starbucks is legendary. Some are year round staples, and some come and go with the seasons (alas, the peppermint brownie has gone the way of the Christmas decorations and music) (not that I care, because of course I've never had one) (yeah, right). This year the peppermint brownie has been replaced with cupcakes. Red. Velvet. Cupcakes. Yum.

**short break while I wipe the drool off my keyboard**

This morning as I was ~~blatantly ogling~~ looking at them while I waited for my coffee I thought "Why on earth do I do this to myself every morning? One day I am going to give in and it won't be worth it. Then I'll feel guilty, probably binge as a result, and have to work extra hard to relose the weight I've gained. I just could buy a pound of coffee, make my drink at home and not have to worry about this temptation."

Hmmm. ShrinkingJill, you've got a good point there. Why not set yourself up for success rather than failure?

Then I considered Judith Beck's thoughts about strengthening mental muscles - the giving-in muscle vs. the resistance muscle. Every time I eat something that wasn't in my plan, I'm strengthening my giving-in muscle, and every time I'm faced with a choice and stick to my plan I'm strengthening my resistance muscle. When we don't work our muscles, they atrophy. You wouldn't do biceps curls every day until you had the biceps of your dreams, and then just stop working them, right? You'd keep doing those curls to make sure the muscle stays exactly the way you want it to be. So it goes with the resistance muscle...if I don't challenge myself regularly it will get weaker.

So, I'm going to think of my morning Starbucks excursion as my daily resistance muscle exercise. My chance to start the day off right by saying NO rather than YES. Some people start the day with situps or pushups right after they jump out of bed - I'm going to stare down those cupcakes every morning and show them who's boss. Me.

Random Attacks of Happiness

2010-01-12T21:30:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else get hit occasionally with random attacks of happiness, just out of the blue and for no good reason whatsoever? I know what you're thinking...ShrinkingJill, you might want to think about cutting back on the wine with breakfast...but I'm serious! It happens most often when I'm driving by myself or just generally letting my thoughts drift, and sometimes I just feel so incredibly content that I think I'll never be unhappy again - like it doesn't matter that I'm 100 pounds overweight, that I can't stand my job, that I have so many unresolved personal issues - I just sort of bliss out and am happy just existing. It's not like this happens daily, or even weekly, but when it does I feel like everything is right with the world and I could tackle any problem that comes my way.

It's such a good feeling, and I just wondered if this happens to anyone else - without chemical assistance, obviously...

In other news, a brand new Whole Foods opened up in my neighborhood today - it's only 3 miles from my house, is at least 3x larger than any of the other ones in the area and has a ROOFTOP GARDEN! Wahooo! I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that they'll have free Wifi, because I can see myself blogging there all summer with a cup of peppermint tea by my side.

The Beck Diet

2010-01-11T19:30:00.001-05:00

For the past several days I've been reading The Complete Beck Diet For Life and really enjoying it - Judith Beck is a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in weight issues, and in this book she provides excellent techniques for changing thought patterns. Today I was delighted to see the Beck Diet Newsletter pop up in my email box. I urge you to give it a read, because it provides some good food for thought as well as a flavor of what's in the book. Hmmm, does anyone else notice how many food-related descriptors I use...

In the newsletter she writes about the idea of 'strengthening your giving-in muscle' every time you eat something that wasn't in your food plan for the day. In other words, you are actively reinforcing a bad habit when you give in to the candy dish on your coworker's desk - in the same way you are reinforcing a good habit when you follow your plan to have a piece of fruit for a snack instead of a candy bar. I love this concept!

I also strongly identified with the story about Laura, because I've been there all too often - my carefully crafted plan is derailed due to circumstances beyond my control and I turn into a deer caught in the headlights, hesitating for the briefest moment...and instead of heading back into the woods I jump right in front of the oncoming car. I always feel a twinge of panic when my original food plan needs to change - and I often end up using the situation as an excuse to eat something I know I shouldn't. Why? If I've chosen to include something in my daily food plan it's because I think it will satisfy me. Deviating from that plan means that I might not enjoy the alternative...and the thought of not getting emotional or physical satisfaction from my food scares me. Not sure why that is, but it's the honest truth and it's something I need to work on. There's always another meal, always another snack but sometimes I find that hard to remember.

I guess what I really took away from Laura's story is that it's important to plan for success - but even more important to be prepared for the unexpected and make sure these events don't derail the overall course of your journey AND your ability to enjoy that journey.

Anyway, the book expands on all the concepts in the newsletter, and provides training on many other skills to help you handle situations where a choice is needed. So far I've learned a lot and I'm getting ready to move into Stage 1, where you begin to document your practice of the various skills - including things like daily motivation, distractions from craving, and rehearsed answers for sabotaging thoughts such as "It isn't fair, other people eat whatever they want". There is a lot of writing and daily homework to keep you focused on learning new behaviors, which is critical to success for someone like me - I am a creature of habit and it takes A LOT to make me change my ways.

If you want to join an online discussion group about this book, share your experiences, or just hear what others are saying, check out the first assignment (pages 1-50) here at PriorFatGirl.com.

Happy reading!

Swimming

2010-01-10T19:36:00.001-05:00

Sunday is normally my treadmill and swim day, but I've developed tendinitis in my right Achilles tendon and have decided to avoid the treadmill for a couple weeks until it heals up a bit. So my workout tonight was all swimming! I wanted to stay in the pool for a half hour so I broke up the laps with some pool running to give my legs a workout. It is HARD to run in the pool!

Anyway, I swam a total of 650 yards tonight when all was said and done, but I'm a bit concerned about my breathing. I find that my most efficient stroke is freestyle, breathing after every 4th stroke. However, after about 100 yards I find that it becomes harder and harder to take a full breath to carry me forward and my throat starts to feel constricted. Breathing after every other stroke is a bit better but it throws off my rhythm and slows me down. And in general I find that my breaststroke is extremely slow as well as more tiring. Is there anyone out there with advice on how to improve my breathing? I think this will end up being the limiting factor in my ability to complete the triathlon in August, so I'd better find a solution to this problem!

Breakthrough

2010-01-08T13:01:00.002-05:00

After lunch today I was hit with a strong craving for chocolate cake. I thought about the food I had left in my lunch bag (4 clementines and a banana) and then thought about the spare change in my wallet (vending machine run, perhaps?). What was going to satisfy this craving? Or what if I just tried to figure out what I was really craving? Was chocolate cake going to do the job (and just for the record I was envisioning an enormous slice of the cake they serve at Macaroni Grill...moist, warm and drenched in hot fudge, mmmmmmm) or did I need something else? I decided to eat a couple clementines and wander over to Jenn's cube for a chat. We talked about chocolate cake, and diets in general, and the conversation meandered around for a bit. I ate both clementines. And then the most remarkable thing happened - I really wasn't interested in cake anymore. Perhaps my craving was for a distraction from my work, rather than food? I think I may have just successfully done what all the diet books tell you to do...redirect yourself when you are craving something unhealthy. This may not seem like much, but I am so used to giving in to my cravings that riding one out is truly a foreign concept to me. Judith Beck describes giving in to a craving as 'strengthening your giving-in muscle' and suggests that each time you are faced with a choice you need to decide which muscle you're going to strengthen - the giving-in one or the willpower one. I know which one I chose today!

BTW, I started reading the Complete Beck Diet for Life and I'm really impressed. Jen over at Prior Fat Girl started a book club to discuss it - check out the action here.

Now back to work...

Weight Loss Target

2010-01-08T11:59:00.001-05:00

I know I said I wasn't going to do it, but I caved and set a target weight for myself. I would like to weigh 200 pounds before my triathlon in August. So...I set myself up with a Traineo account and put some gadgets on my blog to publicise my progress.

Starbucks!

2010-01-08T05:40:00.006-05:00

Oh Starbucks, how I love your latte. The creamy foam, the bitter coffee, the sweetness of the syrup. Nobody does it better.

My usual drink is a tall nonfat vanilla latte (or is it vanilla nonfat tall latte? or tall vanilla nonfat latte?) and I pretty much start every day with one - I stop on the way to work, say hi to my fave baristas, and then relax in vanilla bliss in the car for the rest of the drive to work. The 80's station on XM makes the experience complete - nothing beats rocking out to 'Livin on a Prayer' prior to a long day of meetings.

But...I don't think I can afford 160 calories for coffee every morning, no matter how much I love it! So this morning I'm going to try to ease my way out of the latte habit. New drink: tall nonfat Cafe Misto with 1 shot of syrup. This still gives me 6 oz of milk plus my sweet vanilla fix, and comes in (according to the website) at about 80 calories. Hey - that fits in with my morning 80's theme! I think this new partnership was meant to be.

Still Messing Around With The Blog Format

2010-01-07T19:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've chosen yet another template. I just can't seem to choose one that makes me happy, and my lack of HTML prowess means I can't do much reorganizing to the templates that are out there. But not for long...I'm officially registered for a day-long HTML class at Temple in February! And that's one of my 2010 goals checked off too!

In other news, I got home from work today to find an unexpected package from Amazon. Apparently I pre-ordered the book Angry Fat Girls last September, and it was just released a few days ago. Yippee! I am so excited to read this book - Frances Kuffel, who wrote Passing for Thin, also wrote this book. I loved Passing For Thin and found her story incredibly inspiring. I'm hoping this book is as good as the last.

Soy Sauce Rant

2010-01-06T19:26:00.004-05:00

My husband makes an incredibly yummy Asian treat that I call Taiwanese mashed potatoes (inside joke) and that most Asian folks call Taro cake. I am helpless around this stuff - it may not look or sound that good (I was tremendously skeptical the first time he made it for me) but trust me, this stuff is irresistible when lightly pan fried and dipped in soy sauce. Which brings me to the point of today's post...

Ken made a batch of taro cake at the end of December and of course I totally indulged on New Year's Eve and ate several pieces. Yuh-huh-hummmmm. As usual I drenched it in lots of soy sauce. New Year's Day I woke up with a crushing headache, and since I only had one beer the day before I couldn't fathom why. Until it hit me - was there MSG in the soy sauce? I'm pretty sensitive to the stuff. We had just purchased a new bottle from an untried brand, but since most foods are MSG-free these days I don't normally check labels. I padded downstairs, grabbed the bottle and...lo and behold, MSG was on the list. Along with Insinate Disodium Guanylate, whatever the hell that is. And yeast extract. And sodium benzoate. Seriously? I thought soy sauce was supposed to be water, soy beans and wheat. What's the point of all that other stuff?

Fast forward to last night - my awesome hubby made more taro cake while I was in Indiana and I had some for dinner, forgetting about the stupid soy sauce. This morning I woke up with ANOTHER headache! Grrr. I stopped at the store on my way home from work and tried to find some without any added ingredients. The best I could do was Kikkoman: water, wheat, soybeans, salt, and sodium benzoate (which is apparently a preservative).

I started to wonder about the rest of the food in my pantry - what else is lurking? Here are some alarming results:

Progresso 45% Less Sodium Chicken and Wild Rice Soup - low sodium is good, right? Nuh-uh, not when there are things like hydrolzyed corn protein, disodium inosinate, disodium guanylate (sounding familiar?), chicken powder (WHAT THE HECK IS THAT???), soy protein isolate, and calcium chloride. What is all this stuff?

Here's another one: Campbells Pork and Beans - High fructose corn syrup, modified food starch, caramel color and...wait for it...paprika oleoresin. Seriously? Is this some uber-flavorful variety of paprika extracted from the oleo tree?

What the heck is this stuff doing in our food??? It turns out that calcium chloride is used to maintain firmness in canned vegetables. And contrary to what you'd expect, paprika oleoresin is a coloring, not a flavoring. Disodium inosinate and disodium guanylate are both flavor enhancers, closely related in structure to MSG. Hydrolyzed corn protein is also an MSG-related flavor enhancer. Oh yeah - it's also made by boiling the corn in hydrochloric acid and then neutralizing it in sodium hydroxide. That sounds like something you want to put in your mouth, right?

It seems that MSG is lurking everywhere! Especially in foods that don't list it as an ingredient. Over the years I've had many, many unexplained headaches - how many have been related to this pervasive chemical? Have I been doing this to myself the whole time?

I honestly expected these ingredients to be preservatives of some sort - not flavor or texture enhancers. Do these products taste that bad without chemical help? Are these chemicals intended to trigger the addictive areas of our brain to keep us coming back for more? What's wrong with just making products from real ingredients? David Kessler (The End of Overeating) and Michael Pollen (In Defense of Food) have both written extensively about the dangers of food additives and the need for us to eat real food. I think they are definitely onto something.

As for me, I'm going to start reading labels. Closely. It may take me a lot longer to get the grocery shopping done, but after my little research project tonight I don't think I'll ever shop the same way again.

Update on 07Jan10: This morning I went on a wild frenzy and pulled everything out of the pantry that had any kind of freaky chemical in it. Buh-bye Gatorade powder, Kraft mac-n-cheese, Rice-a-Roni, random generic brand corn taco shells, Progresso soup, pumpkin pie filling, and so much more. I filled an enormous shopping bag with everything and left it up for grabs in the cafeteria at work. I feel a lot better about my kitchen now!

Back With A Vengeance, Baby!

2010-01-05T19:59:00.005-05:00

The past few weeks have been an exercise in reckless, rebellious, I'm-cheating-on-my-diet-and-you-can't-stop-me eating. I wouldn't qualify it as full-on binge eating, but I was not counting calories at all, and was actively seeking opportunities (some would say making excuses) to chow down on my favorite foods. A lot.

But today I truly got back on track and it just felt so good! Not like a sacrifice, but more like a gift I was giving to myself. I was (of course) a little hungry all day, and my workout tonight was REALLY hard (due to muscles shrunken from extended couch surfing) but honestly I was getting tired of the reckless eating and it was just such a relief to relax back into my nice routine. Sore muscles and all, I feel like my hard drive has been rebooted.

And here's the best part - just after lunch I was on my way to a meeting and passed a basket of fun-size candy bars on the admin's desk. Without thinking I exclaimed 'hey, free candy!' and gleefully took a piece. When I got to the conference room I looked in my hand and thought - I don't even want this, why did I take it????? High fructose corn syrup, refined sugar, preservatives...no, not today. So I put.....it.....back. Yes, you heard me correctly: I. PUT. IT. BACK. And ate a clementine instead.

Books Books Books!!!!!

2010-01-05T06:23:00.003-05:00

I received a truly amazing gift for Christmas this year - an unlimited supply of books, in the form of a subscription to BookSwim. For the uninitiated, BookSwim is like Netflix for books - you have a reading list and for a small monthly fee they send you the first few books on your list, with no shipping charges. When you are done reading them you mail them back, with no late fees or shipping charges, and the next book(s) are dropped in the mail. Seriously, this is a dream come true for me! I used to spend literally hundreds of dollars a year on books, many of which ended up on my bookshelf half-read because I'd find something more interesting to read. Then I became hooked on the library - the books are free and you can request books from any library in the network and have them shipped to your local library free of charge. However, there is a time limit on reading these books and often you have to wait several weeks until your name gets to the top of the waiting list. And of course there are late fees if you don't return them on time. With Bookswim, you keep the books as long as you want and there aren't any long waiting lists!

This means that one of my favorite activities - spending a few hours at Borders with a latte and a stack of books - has become even more fun. I still gather a huge stack of books to page through, but now I can bring my laptop and put the ones I like on my BookSwim reading list rather than purchase them or wait for them to become available at the library. And!!!! If there is a book you would like to borrow, but it isn't in the BookSwim library, you can request it - if enough people request the same book they'll add it! And for you students out there, they also have textbooks to lend.

Here's my list so far:

The Hour I First Believed, by Wally Lamb
Head First HTML, by Eric Freeman
Heat, by Bill Buford
Belong to Me, by Marissa de los Santos
Losing It, by Valerie Bertinelli
Cook Food, by Lisa Jarvis
On Writing Well, by William Zinsser
Cook Yourself Thin Faster, by Lauren Deen
29 Gifts, by Cami Walker
Deeper than the Dead, by Tami Hoag

I am completely smitten with this website - and would love to hear if anyone else has subscribed to the service! And of course, any recommendations for my reading list would be greatly appreciated.

Happy reading!

Weekend Trip

2010-01-01T03:56:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone!

This morning I am jetting off to Lafayette, Indiana to visit my friend Kim for a few days. I am incredibly excited for this trip because we haven't been able to get together in a couple years and we always have a great time together. Kim is a fantastic cook and always seems to know the best restaurants around, so I know there will be many gastronomic pleasures this weekend.

With that in mind, I'm not planning to lose any weight over the next few days - but I'm confident I can maintain. My strategy is to eat mindfully and enjoy every bite of food and sip of wine, rather than just to shovel things in my mouth without appreciating the flavors and textures. And of course to stop eating before I am stuffed, so that I can relax and enjoy good conversation after every meal, rather than falling asleep or feeling uncomfortable and sick. And maybe even sneak in a walk every day, if it's not too cold!

I'll resume posting when I return!

Goals for 2010

2009-12-31T09:22:00.005-05:00

At the beginning of a new year, it's hard not to make resolutions - January 1st is a dieter's dream day, when all past transgressions are wiped clean and you have the opportunity to be perfect and live your dream life. It's an all-or-nothing thinker's paradise.

Which is exactly why I am not making any New Year's Resolutions this year. Actually, you could say that my resolution is to stop the all-or-nothing thinking and just accept that my life is full of imperfections and mistakes. That's what makes it so interesting, frustrating, exciting, humorous and just generally a great ride.

But I would be lying if I didn't mention the milestones and accomplishments that I would like to see happen in the next 12 months.

Before I list this year's goals, however, I would like to reflect on some of my accomplishments from 2009 that make me proud - and to thank those of you that supported me in these achievements. It may not be a long list, and some of the entries might seem trivial, but all of them are significant to me in one way or another and have made me a better person for the experience:

Started blogging - thanks to all my old and new friends - and especially my husband Ken - for your support!
Trained for the Breast Cancer 3-Day and learned that I can walk for 6 hours - thanks Karen, Abby, Kathy and Rose for being such a great team!
Raised over $12,000 towards breast cancer research with my walking team, The Blister Pack - thanks to all of you who donated time, money, support and things to sell at the yard sale!
Reconnected with a long lost & very dear friend - thanks Michele for finding me and reaching out!
Took a spinning class, liked it, and went back for more
Danced in public
Eliminated artificial sweeteners from my life
Enlisted the aid of a personal trainer and made a commitment to a healthy lifestyle - thanks Rena for your unwavering support and friendship!
Joined a CSA farm - although we will not be renewing our subscription this year for various reasons, it was an amazing experience that I found very rewarding.

And now for my list of goals - and please take note, there are no weight loss goals in here. Losing weight is a side effect of a healthy lifestyle - which is not a specific goal I want to achieve but rather a daily choice I want to make - which I feel is an important distinction.

In no particular order...

Complete a triathlon
Take a class in HTML or web design
Develop a reasonable 2 to 4-year plan for transitioning out of my current career and into one that I love
Bake a loaf of french bread from scratch
Write a magazine article (does not need to be published, just written)
Find a way to cook eggs that does not completely gross me out.
Keep blogging
Finish off the exercise room so I have a dedicated space for yoga, meditation and working out.
Plant a small vegetable garden
Reduce spending and create a budget to allow for significantly more saving - in preparation for a career change

Now I would love to hear your goals and/or NYR for 2010!

Yummo Granola Bars

2009-12-30T21:03:00.001-05:00

I've been looking for a good pre-workout snack recently that would be easy to toss in my purse and eat in the car on the way to the gym. And of course something that doesn't contain a ton of chemicals with unpronounceable names! I'm happy to say I found an amazing recipe for homemade granola bars - they are chewy and sweet, are super-easy to make, and have no preservatives, high fructose corn syrup or other chemicals! I substituted a half-cup of chocolate chips for the raisins (gotta have that chocolate fix), added about 1/4 cup ground flax seed to the mix, and reduced the cooking time to 25 minutes to keep them on the chewy side.

They came out so well that I'm going to make them again as soon as this batch is gone - which will undoubtedly be very soon. Next time I'll add some peanut butter or almond butter to give them a bit more protein - I'll report back on the results.

Analogy and confession...

2009-12-30T11:40:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone! Many many apologies for my long absence - I was out of town for a few days, and then we had some computer difficulties here at home which have been stealing away my attention. I have been trying unsuccessfully to upgrade my laptop from Vista to Windows 7 - after three attempts I am still unable to complete the upgrade, but of course I am going to try over and over again until it works, because the new operating system will be worth the effort. Actually, I think this upgrade is sort of a metaphor for my weight loss efforts...while Vista is a usable operating system, lots of features don't work properly and it keeps crashing...and while I can function at 248 pounds I'm definitely not operating at top speed (and I keep crashing). The upgrade process is confusing, complicated and lengthy, and my first few attempts didn't work, but I know the result will be such an improvement that I'm willing to keep trying until I get it figured out.

If I'm completely honest with myself, however, I could have found a way to write amongst the traveling and computer problems. The truth is, I ate mindlessly through the holiday right up until a couple days ago. And I wasn't feeling too good one day last week and missed my workout...and then didn't workout for several more days. The guilt over this lapse has kept me from posting. Sigh. When will I learn? Writing down my thoughts, feelings, struggles, successes - that's what keeps me honest, whether I write it publicly or privately. As of this morning, my weight is the same as it was a few weeks ago, and I am thankful that although I haven't made any progress on the scale, I haven't gone backwards either. In the past, I would have gained 5 or more pounds by now, which means that I must be learning to eat less while I'm overeating (does that even make sense?). So that's something to be proud of.

This holiday season has definitely been a learning opportunity - I didn't plan ahead for anything, let my feelings of discouragement get the best of me, and once I started on the junk food I just kept eating (all or nothing thinking). It seems like I'm the poster child for everything that you shouldn't do when trying to get to - or maintain - a healthy weight. The best I can do at this point is pick myself up, dust myself off, learn from my mistakes, and try to install Windows 7 one more time...

Be Your Own Santa

2009-12-25T07:35:00.001-05:00

Right this moment my husband and I are the only ones awake and moving around in the house - hopefully the rest of the family will be up soon. We traveled to Rhode Island this year, and the youngest person in the house is my sister's son - 24 years old - so the traditional Christmas excitement has been replaced by sleeping luxuriously late and relaxing over coffee before diving into the presents.

This year my Christmas list was pretty light - I am trying my absolute best not to acquire new things (except books!) and instead requested spinning classes, spa gift certificates and the like. But my real Christmas list can't be delivered by Santa, wrapped and put under the tree: the strength to make permanent healthy changes in my behavior. Nope, I have to be my own Santa this year to make that happen!

Hope all of you have a great holiday season - and here's to peace, joy and kindness to old friends and new in the coming year!

Crisis of Faith

2009-12-21T19:36:00.003-05:00

For the past week or so I've been struggling to keep myself motivated to eat well. I've been trying to jolly myself along with inspirational quotes but this weekend I really let things go. Friday was a company Christmas party and the only choices were fried. Fried cheese, fried potato skins, fried chicken...although I counted everything I ate, I ended up skipping dinner to compensate. On Saturday night I allowed myself to eat with something resembling reckless abandon...the food was yummy and I was enjoying my visit with an old friend, so I decided to absolve myself of guilt and vowed to eat only healthy foods the next day. Sunday started well, with fruit and almonds and green tea...but then later in the afternoon I was hit with such a feeling of overwhelming mental fatigue contemplating all the hard work I have ahead of me. Constantly watching my food, making an effort to exercise 5 days a week, trying to make choices that will help me reach my goals - I became exhausted just thinking about it! Day after day, year after year, I know it will never be easy for me to reach my goal weight or to maintain it. But you know what would be easy? Giving up on the exercise and just eating whatever I want. So very...very.......very...............easy.

So I ate. Somehow I found myself with a piece of Popeye's chicken in one hand and a biscuit in another...fast forward a couple hours and I finished off an entire Amy's organic pizza. Although the scale said 248 this morning, I know that the damage I did this weekend will catch up with me eventually. Today was lunch out with some coworkers, tomorrow will be the same - I feel myself getting pulled back into the old habits and I'm scared. It feels like the momentum I was gathering has stalled, and it would be so easy to order a pizza and wash it down with a pint of Ben & Jerry's...so very very easy...is this how heroin addicts end up on the streets again?

I'm trying to head this off at the pass before it becomes a full-on binge. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and I can take the high road and dive back into my new life, or I can slide back towards my old self and then spend weeks fighting to get back to where I am now...I need an intervention, I need to take a stand! I can't take the easy path, eating comfort food and lying on the couch, because although right now that is the path of least effort, it WILL NOT be easy to recover from a heart attack or stroke. It will not be easy to take medication for type II diabetes. It will not be easy to recover from a knee replacement when I am 60 years old and 300 pounds.

But what I really need to remember, every time I see a cookie or a slice of pizza...IT IS NOT EASY to weigh 248 pounds - nothing fits, I'm out of breath walking up 2 flights of stairs, I can't sit comfortably in an airline seat, I can't cross my legs, my wedding ring doesn't fit...in fact NOTHING about being overweight is easy. Absolutely nothing.

Every Challenge Could Have Paradise Behind It

2009-12-18T19:29:00.002-05:00

I have been struggling with my food intake for the past several days. I haven't binged, but I haven't been making wise choices and have definitely not been eating mindfully. Today in the car I was listening to a Blues Traveler song and the lyrics really resonated with me - I think I needed a reminder that changing my habits will not be easy but there's a reward at the end if I persevere:

Stand

The answers are getting harder and harder
And there ain't no way to bargain or to barter
But if you've got the angst or you got the ardor
You might faint from the fight but you're gonna find it
For every challenge could have paradise behind it

Poison

2009-12-18T06:12:00.001-05:00

I've been trying to get a few things out of my life this year - things that I consider poisonous to my body in one way or another. Artificial sweeteners are gone (almost 8 weeks now!). I'm slowly eliminating processed foods from my diet, and I've been trying to stop drinking bottled water as well. This last one was a New Year's Resolution which I have been about 70% good at keeping. But there are those times (and they are becoming more frequent over the past few months) where I have forgotten my Nalgene bottle or I'm not near a source of tap water, and I'm thirsty. So I give in and buy a bottle of (usually overpriced) water. And vow to be better next time.

Today I read this post from EatingJourney that has renewed my vow to stop buying individual water bottles. Not only is bottled water bad for me, but it is sooooo bad for the environment. Please read it and think twice next time you are tempted to buy a bottle of water, or soda, or Gatorade...just think.

Book Review: MegaYoga by Megan Garcia

2009-12-16T19:49:00.000-05:00

Megan Garcia's MegaYoga is quite simply an awesome book! Although I found her video to be a bit lacking, this book more than makes up for it.

She demonstrates a wide variety of poses, including several more advanced moves, and for each one she suggests props or other modifications. The photos are great, and the supporting/background information on the benefits of yoga is well written and informative. Two thumbs up for this book - check out your local library to see if they have a copy, or pick up a copy here!

Perspective

2009-12-14T18:54:00.003-05:00

This past weekend I continued sorting through boxes of old clothes, trying to find some goal outfits that would fit me 20 pounds from now, 40 pounds from now, and so on. I came across this:

This is a tennis skirt I wore as a senior in high school. It has a 26" waist. Seeing this skirt, tangible evidence that I really was that size once in my life, brought me to tears for that 17-year old girl that thought she was fat. I had no idea how bad things would get.

I first remember becoming aware of my weight in the 5th grade. I wasn't skinny like the other girls but I was probably a normal weight for my age. When I was 12 years old I weighed 128 pounds at 5'2". That's when I went on my first diet - I wanted to lose 10 pounds. Although I knew I wasn't fat, I was becoming chubby and felt inadequate.

I also had my mom's full blessing to do this, believe it or not. For most of her life she was very thin - before she became pregnant with me at 40 years old, she weighed 108 pounds. Weight problems, heart disease and diabetes run on both sides of my family, my mom struggled with her weight after my birth, and she was concerned that I was beginning to develop a weight problem. In retrospect, if she hadn't made such a big deal out of my size I probably would have outgrown it and been fine. Unfortunately she did make a big deal out of it, year after painful year, and although my weight remained pretty stable until I went to college, as soon as I was out from under my mom's control I rebelled and gained weight. A lot. Every year. I used to dread coming home because I knew I'd get a comment, or a look, or even worse - an offer to reward me with money, clothes or something else if I'd just lose 50 pounds. When she was really desperate she'd remind me that I would never find a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. One time she even took food out of my hands...IN PUBLIC...saying 'you don't need to eat that'. You can imagine the amount of resentment and anger that built up inside me, not to mention the underlying feelings of 'you don't love me because I'm fat'. Tough stuff to cope with, that's for sure. And my coping mechanism was food, so of course I gained more weight.

I don't blame my mom for my weight problem - I take responsibility for every bite that goes into my mouth, and every hour I've spent in front of the TV instead of going for a walk. I understand that all her criticism came from her own low self-esteem, and that she truly thought she was doing the right thing by trying to get me to lose weight. She wanted to me to be healthy, happy and to live a long prosperous life. She just didn't have the tools to effectively deal with my emerging weight issues, because she didn't have the tools to deal with her own issues. She loved me very much and tried her best. I get that.

But it has taken me many, many years to understand my mom's actions. I think part of the reason this particular weight loss effort seems so different than every other time I've tried is that I've finally forgiven myself and my mom for everything that happened in the past, and I'm looking to what lies ahead instead of regretting the past. I can recognize when I'm eating to dull emotional pain or cope with stress - even when the pain and stress might not be obvious. I can also recognize when I'm eating out of rebellion - someone will make an offhand comment that will sound so much like my mom's criticisms that I feel a sudden urge to eat something in response. 40 years of patterns are hard to change, but recognizing that you are human, that you make mistakes and that you can reprogram your destiny is the first step in the journey. I feel like I'm finally at that point.

So I cried for that girl, because she had such low self esteem, because she didn't love herself enough to take care of herself, because she had no idea how hard it would be to take off the weight in 25 years. And I cried for myself, for all the pain I've put myself through, for all the time I've wasted looking for happiness in all the wrong places, for all my regrets. Then I dried my eyes, put the skirt into my 'goals' pile, and forgave myself for all my mistakes.

It's likely that I'll never fit into that skirt again (although I will keep trying). But I'm going to hold onto it as a reminder of the girl I used to be, and the woman I am now, and how much both of us have been through. It's been a long, painful journey but we made it, and now it's our time to shine.

You Can't Eat Happiness

2009-12-13T17:49:00.001-05:00

As I said goodbye to my 30s and turned the corner into my 40s I began to do some self-exploration about what I wanted from the rest of my life. After years of accumulating 'stuff' and spending money, I've realized the hard truth that stuff won't make me happy. Just like with food! Happiness has to come from within - you can't buy happiness and you can't eat it.

I Took The Plunge!

2009-12-13T12:47:00.003-05:00

Well folks, I took the plunge this morning and officially entered the 2010 Philadelphia Danskin SheRox Triathlon. I'm super excited about it, and have started researching training plans. I've had the book Slow Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams on my bookshelf for awhile, and now it's time to pull it out and give it a read.

I'm pretty sure I could complete the entire event right now if I had too - I'd need to walk most of the 5K, and I'd be dead last overall, but I could finish. And with a little over 9 months to train, I've got nowhere to go but up!

Second Triathlon Training Goal!

2009-12-12T20:50:00.006-05:00

Today was a frustrating day - for the second time, I attempted (unsuccessfully) to upgrade my laptop to Windows 7. Simultaneously I was trying to learn to edit HTML code on my desktop computer (also unsuccessfully). Perhaps my failures had something to do with dividing my attention between 2 things that really needed my full attention?

Regardless, by about 5pm I was so irritated and annoyed that I decided the only thing I could do was go to the gym and work it out on the treadmill. And so it is with great pride that I announce to you.......drum roll please....I ran a quarter of a mile tonight! Actually, I ran a mile and a quarter if you add up all my intervals, but one of those intervals was 3 minutes long at a 5mph pace, thus...A QUARTER OF A MILE! Yippee!!!

Anyway, this was my second training goal (the first one is here) and I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I planned to be there by mid-December and I'm right on target. Oh yeah - I also swam 300 yards without stopping after my spectacular showing on the treadmill. Pat, pat, pat...

So I guess it's time to set my next goal...let's see, how about a 10 mile outdoor bike ride? I don't know how realistic this is since I've only been doing spin classes and my actual bicycle is in the basement right now, covered with dust and sporting two flat tires...but there's no time like the present to clean it up and take it for a spin.

Now I'm attempting once again to upgrade my laptop. At least I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with it after getting some success into my day! Let's hope the third time's a charm.

Layout Changes Ahead

2009-12-12T15:24:00.003-05:00

This weekend I'm experimenting with different layouts and trying to teach myself enough HTML to play with my blog template. Apologies in advance if you visit and see some strange things!

DVD Review And Some Cool Things I Found On The Internet

2009-12-12T08:13:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I tried this DVD on for size (no pun intended): Yoga: Just My Size with Megan Garcia - a yoga workout designed with overweight people in mind. Here are my thoughts:

This is definitely a good workout for larger people who are new to yoga - the poses were simple, gentle, slowly paced, and well explained. In between standing and seated poses, instruction was given to help the student rise and descend gracefully and with purpose - not always an easy task when you have a lot of weight to move around. To assure that the student gets the most out of the workout, alternatives were suggested for moves where body parts (for example tummy or breasts) might get in the way, or for moves where more strength is required to hold the pose (such as warrior). Megan Garcia, who is also a professional plus size model, was a great subject for the video - her posture was beautiful and she flowed from pose to pose with grace. The entire workout is about 25 minutes long from initial centering to the end of savasana.

Overall, this was a good beginner workout although there were a few things that irked me. For example, I think it would have been good to add in some more difficult poses with modifications/levels so the user could improve with time and continue to use the same DVD. As it is, I think that that most people will outgrow it rather quickly and need to find something more challenging. The session was also a bit too short for my tastes.

Megan does not actually narrate the entire DVD - she gives a short introduction and then another voice takes over as she demonstrates the moves. Her style of speaking during the intro is a little 'Stepford Wifey' and really freaked me out - so when the other voice came on at the start of the actual workout I breathed a little sigh of relief. Interestingly, she gives an interview at the end of the DVD and sounds completely natural then - so I'm not sure why she was so uptight and weird in the beginning.

At this point in my yoga practice I definitely need more of a challenge than this workout can provide. However, I was intrigued that a workout targeted towards the overweight community even existed, so I did some research on the internet to see what else was out there. I came across with a few more DVDs that I want to try:

ShapelyGirl - the creator of the Shapely Girl workouts, Debra Mazda, is right here in Philly and even has a fitness studio! I'll definitely be checking out her classes at some point.
Look Great, Feel Great: Plus-Size Pilates
Ya Don't Gotta Be A Size 2 To Do Pilates
Heavyweight Yoga (unfortunately this title is not available on Netflix or at my local library - but I did find a cheap copy on Ebay)
Megan Garcia also has a book called MegaYoga, which received good reviews on Amazon.com.

I also ran across this article about a yoga studio in NYC: Buddha Body Yoga. BBY is a studio where the classes are only for people who are overweight. What?!?!?! I am dying to take a class there to see what it's all about but unfortunately it looks like right now they are only held on Thursday nights and you have to buy a series of 4 classes. Since it takes me a couple hours to get into NYC from Philly I'll have to wait until they offer something on the weekend. But I'd love to hear from anyone else out there that either has tried this place, or lives close enough to try it!

Just One Day

2009-12-11T07:16:00.000-05:00

Check out this challenge from Jenn of Watch My Butt Shrink - to have one day of greatness and stay 100% on plan. I love this idea - I'm gonna give it a try too - make sure you pass the word. Thanks Jenn!

More Favorite Fitness Things!

2009-12-10T18:45:00.001-05:00

I can't believe I left 2 critical things off my list! Here they are, making the list an even 10:

9. The mall. Any mall will do, but of course my favorite is the King of Prussia Mall, which is enormous and contains lots of lovely stores. The reason the mall is so critical to my fitness program is that it allows me to get activity over and above my normal workouts (or even instead of a workout if I'm taking a rest day). Although it doesn't burn calories at the rate of a cardio workout (unless you're sprinting to get the last Zhu Zhu at a Black Friday sale), a few hours of walking around the mall will burn a few hundred calories, especially if you make a point of taking the stairs frequently. And of course I love to window-shop so perusing the mall feels like self-indulgence rather than a chore. It's not weather dependent, either! Try it sometime - especially if you feel like eating when you're not really hungry - redirecting your attention to something fun can often head off a binge at the pass. And the mall will definitely be in my arsenal of tools this holiday season - to counteract extra calories from Christmas lunches, holiday parties and the inevitable office full of baked goods, I'm going to go Christmas shopping for hours on end!

Please note, however, that you need to make sure you don't replace the urge to binge on food with an urge to shop til you drop (even though carrying packages around the mall might burn a few extra calories) - or you'll just be trading one unhealthy habit for another. I almost fell into that trap on a Very Active Day and had to make a hasty exit!

10. The Biggest Loser. When this show first came on the air it was really more like guilty pleasure TV, but over the years this show has turned into so much more. I'm always amazed each season by just how much the contestants are capable of. At 400+ pounds, it seems an insurmountable challenge to lose a significant amount of weight, but these folks dig deep within and learn to love themselves and take care of their health. Seeing someone succeed who started with the cards stacked so steeply against them is just about one of the most motivational things I can imagine. It reminds me that anything is possible if you're willing to work for it. And when the show is between seasons I even watch episodes from prior seasons (if you're wondering how I get the old episodes, whenever I see a Biggest Loser Marathon on a cable channel I DVR them to use for emergencies - but I think you can also get them on Netflix).

And speaking of Netflix - I put Yoga: Just My Size with Megan Garcia in my queue and it came in the mail today. Yippee! I mentioned this DVD a couple days ago as I heard it was a good choice for overweight people who want to start a yoga practice. I'm going to try it out and post a review this weekend so make sure you check back here in a couple days to get the scoop!

Yoga - Not Just For Thin People!

2009-12-08T16:28:00.003-05:00

Of all the new fitness activities I've tried this year, one of my faves is my weekly yoga class with Rena. She taught me that you can do yoga at any size - there are always modifications to help you get the most out of each pose. I think this is such an important concept to get out there - yoga is for everyone!

One of my favorite poses is Adho Mukha Svanasana, or Downward Dog. I did this pose often this past summer to help stretch out my tight calves while I was training for the 3-Day. The pose looks like this (thanks to Yogajournal.com for the photos):

Right now, I don't have the flexibility to go as deeply into this pose as the limber woman above. However, there are modifications I can do to get the full stretch out of the pose without tearing my Achilles tendon. I use yoga bricks to sort of 'bring the floor closer' so I can still do the pose. Behold the magic of yoga bricks:

Here is Triangle pose (Utthita Trikonasana) - great for strengthening core and legs. I don't yet have the flexibility to bring my legs into such a wide stance, but I can still get a lot out of the pose by using a brick for support:

So if you are afraid to try yoga because you think you won't be able to do it, don't be! Find a studio or instructor that can help you modify the poses, or do some research online. My sources tell me that this DVD from Megan Garcia is an excellent starting point for overweight people that want to benefit from a yoga practice.

This past week Rena suggested that I choose a 'goal pose' to work towards. She loves inversions, so we chose Salamba Sirsasana, or Supported Headstand. Some of the benefits of mastering inverted poses include enhance strength & flexibility, improved circulation, and most importantly the emotional benefit of overcoming fear. You can read more about the benefits of inversions here.

The pose looks like this:

My personal goal is to do this pose using a wall to rest my feet against. To get to that point, I'll practice and master a series of preparatory poses to get me used to the feeling of being inverted, and also work on building strength in my shoulders and core to be able to support my weight.

Below is a photo of the first preparatory pose in my series. My arms are in the same position as the Supported Headstand, but my head is not touching the ground. My legs are extended to shift some of my weight onto my shoulders. I'll repeat this pose several times and hold it each time to get used to the feeling of carrying my weight on my shoulders and also to get used to the feeling of being inverted. Another pose that will help me prepare is Downward Dog.

As I progress with this pose I promise to post photo updates!

It's Not Just My Weight That Needs To Change

2009-12-07T18:51:00.003-05:00

For the past 30 years, I have been struggling with my weight - that's no secret. But for the past few years, there has been another equally difficult struggle going on inside me - I am not happy with the career path I've chosen, and I don't know what to do about it. I make excellent money, and my employer provides great benefits (although they could definitely improve on our vacation allowance!). I've had the rare opportunity to travel extensively as part of my job, including spending a significant amount of time in London (which is quite possibly the best city on the planet, IMHO). Overall, I am very well taken care of. And to top it all off, the job I do directly benefits cancer patients. I am so unhappy with my job that all of these wonderful perks are no longer enough to make me look forward to going to work every day. I have 20+ years ahead of me until retirement - do I really want to spend a third of that time miserable and unfulfilled?

I won't go into the details of why I'm so unhappy with my job, lets just say I have my reasons and that finding a similar job with another employer isn't the answer. Been there, done that. It's over, I'm ready to quit.

But without a backup plan, how will I pay for food, the mortgage, utilities, not to mention a little pampering now and then? My husband has a great job that he loves (or at least he's happier than I am right now) and could probably support us both, but without any children to take care of, I can't really justify becoming a stay-at-home...wife. I need to bring home some bucks and contribute to our lifestyle. I need a decent job, one that doesn't make me want to drive a fork into my eyes as soon as I sit down at my desk (that's an overstatement, of course - maybe a plastic spoon, but never a fork).

I think this internal conflict has been subconsciously contributing to my weight problem for quite some time - I'm unhappy at work but I can't just up and quit my job, so I eat to dull myself to the problem. Frustrating meeting? Stop at the vending machine on the way back to my desk. Hate your new work assignment? Pick up a pizza and a 6-pack on the way home from work. Have to spend a week away from home for work? Eat out every night and order high calorie food - you'll get back on track when you get home. You get the picture. Only now that I'm not using food as a coping mechanism, all of the things about my job that I've been ignoring can no longer be swept under the proverbial rug.

The solution? Ideally, find a new mode of employment...one that I find fulfilling and exciting...one that doesn't make me overeat every day just to keep from losing my mind...and one that will also pay the bills with a little left over for fun. But just like weight loss, I can't expect it to happen overnight. I have some ideas, most of which will take awhile to come to fruition. So in the meantime, I need to learn some new coping mechanisms to keep me sane and stress-free.

Any suggestions?